Supply and Demand

Oh the trials and tribulations of a pumping mom.

The past weekend had been far from easy when it came to feeding time with Owen, and I attribute alot of the frustration to not being smart enough to take my breast pump over to C's parents place on Friday night to get in a pumping session while we were there for birthday-father's day festivities.

Saturday rolled around, and I noticed a large red patch covering about a 1/4 of my right breast. Uh oh, I thought...the beginnings of masitisis. In other words, not good. I spent part of the day in tears, feeling like a complete failure, and part of the day determined to make this work. C was incredibly supportive, did all of the feedings with Owen and let me figure out a pumping schedule that worked for me and my boobs.

I'm not sure how many warm compresses, glasses of water and juice, healthy meals, relaxation techniques and hours were spent pumping on Saturday, but I just felt that something was off. I was still getting a good ounce of breast milk at every pump so things were okay in that respect, and the clogged ducts in the right breast definitely were loosening and feeling alot better.

Then Sunday happened. Sunday...how I hate you so. I wanted to be switched over to exclusively breast milk by the end of the weekend, and was so excited on Saturday to have bought new breast pads, more milk saver bags and a larger storage bin for the freezer for our stock pile.

C was off golfing with Uncle B and Nagypapi, and Owen and I were having a great morning. He was feeding really well off the breast milk and I couldn't be happier. That is, until I went to pump.

Half an ounce. Pardon me? That's it?! From both breasts?? Wait...combined?!

I certainly did not see that one coming. I immediately text C and said "I think I'm drying up." Seriously, if it wasn't bad enough that I can't handle breastfeeding, now I couldn't handle pumping and my breasts were deciding to dry up!? Queue more tears and that resounding feeling of failure all over again.

By the end of the morning, before some fantastic visitors came over, I had resigned myself to one thing: my baby is going to be a formula baby.

However, I was determined to give it a good last-ditch-effort and pumped religiously every 2-4 hours even though I couldn't feel my breasts filling up and getting that heavy-with-milk feeling. I tried drinking more water (I never get enough...), eating more, relaxing more and tried to cry less.

The one natural thing that my body is supposed to be able to do in all of this is produce milk...and it wasn't. I consistently got 1/2 an ounce with every pump, sometimes even less than that, and maybe once a little bit more. I was getting discouraged incredibly fast, and started to wrap my head around formula feedings...the cost of formula...getting more bottles...whether premixed is better than powder...which brand would be the most suitable.

C was fantastic throughout it all. He reassured me that as long as Owen's tummy is full, it doesn't matter where it comes from and that perhaps formula isn't such a bad idea. Then I won't be filled with stress and anxiety when it comes to breastfeeding, and now pumping. I was thinking him right on those aspects, and very much appreciated a good long hug to not feel like a total failure. He even tried to make me laugh through my tears, and commented on the fact that it was our first hug without my belly in the way and that it was exciting to be able to wrap his arms fully around me and even give my butt a little pat for encouragement.

I kept pumping every 2-4 hours, on the off chance that the girls were just having an off day and needed a rest while getting used to this pumping like a madwoman schedule I've been on. By the later hours of the evening, after a nice dinner out without C or Owen (Daddy's suggestion that I go out for some me-time...it was very much worth it!) with a good friend, I had pretty much convinced myself that this wasn't going to happen.

I came home, and C was wanting me to call the doctor first thing Monday morning. Why? What are they going to tell me? If I'm drying up, there's no magical pill that they can give me to increase my supply. He was getting concerned that with the redness and clogged ducts, that perhaps there was a medical reason why my body was sabotaging itself. Allright, fine...

But I wanted to try pumping up until making that call, if nothing else to relieve myself of any future pain when my body did decide to fully dry up.

1. FULL. OUNCE!

I couldn't believe it. All day at barely 15ml, and then I get a whopping 30ml all at once!? YAHOO!!

I talked to C about what options we have and who we should call, and we've decided that I need to talk to a lactation consultant. I'm not sure how they can help, or if they can since I'm pumping, but I figure it's worth a shot as I am determined to make this work! We made a long list of questions including if I should get a different/more effective pump, herbal supplements or vitamins that may help increase the supply, how long it should take to establish said supply, and even what foods may help increase the supply.

I'm really hoping that they'll have some pointers for me, and even if I have to spend another $200 on a new and better pump, it will save in 6+months of formula, extra bottles and nipples...That's what my savings account can be used for I suppose. Thankfully, they make house calls and will travel out to see me rather than me packing up Owen and trudging downtown. It's not far, but it's still an ordeal and right now, I don't need the added stress. As it's 4am now, and likely they won't be up and crazy like I am, I will make a point to call them first thing in the morning once their office is open.

I'm not giving up yet. I won't let this defeat me on something I hold so important.

It seems that it takes my breasts about 4-5 hours to fill, so when I am pumping every 2-3 hours...there's barely anything there yet. If it's going to take so long to fill, then at least let's work on increasing my supply so that I'm getting more than an ounce every 4-5 hours and can bank more milk in the long run over a longer period of time between pumpings. That would be fantastic, and it's definitely the thread of hope that I'm hanging onto with dear life.