No-No

And not the basseball kind either!

C and I were out at the Club last night for dinner (oh the Club....another post for another day, the people there are....interesting to say the least) and up comes a couple of people that I recognize but I don't really know.

They were ooozing with excitement to see Owen for the first time. Then came the dreaded question from Mrs. I-don't-know-who...Are You Nursing.

Again, I barely know these people. I know that some out there are totally not offended by randomites asking if you're breastfeeding or not...but I am one who thinks that it is rather delicate and personal information. Yes, I know I'm extra sensitive because of the challenges that I've faced, but it's like going up to someone and asking them if they had a bowel movement that day. It's not something I would ever ask anyone else, so why would I tolerate it being asked of me?

I simply answered "No!" in a very cheerful way, and C tried to change the subject with the other woman...but HOLY awkward silence! You could just tell that Mrs. I-dont-know-who would have responded "Oh good! that's just great!" if I had of said that I was breastfeeding...and that she was judging me and looking down on me for saying no.

I don't get it. He's a happy boy...10lbs3oz of happiness, who giggles and smiles (starting yesterday!). What the hell is the big deal?

You never know someone's circumstance...what if he was a premmie who couldn't breastfeed for medical reasons? What would her response have been then? Big awkward, judging silence? What if she knew about all of the complications, and the depression? What then?

I really wish people would mind their own business and not be so concerned with what everyone else is doing, including how I'm chooseing to nourish my son!

See...he's happy!!

Ask Me Anything!

Yes, sort of a cop-out of a post today, but we have a busy day lined up and I really need to get a move on!

My friend, the lovely Jenni (you can read about her adventures of a mom of two super cute kids, Carter and Brynn, here) posted this last Friday in her Y3W (Your 3 Words).

So go ahead...ask anything you want to know, baby or non baby! Maybe you're wondering about what I do for a living, or how I could possibly live with the likes of C! Perhaps you're more of a "How did she stick with 6 weeks of pumping!" kind of questioner, or even wondering about our bedtime routine and how we make things work for us.

Ask away! I promise to answer everything!!

Mommy's Checkup

Well...today marked that dreaded event...my 6week checkup. I was very nervous to go. I mean, what were they going to look for? And what exactly were they going to say when I opened up about throwing remotes and soothers across the room, screaming at a helpless baby who doesn't understand that Mommy's a little off her rocker, and crying uncontrollably?

Thankfully our now doctor, Dr. Gari, was incredible. Not only was she easy to talk to, but she was amazingly reassuring.

We started with the topic of PPD, and sort of branched out from there. I told her how alone I am feeling, abandoned, lost...full of thoughts of failure because of the breastfeeding (or lack thereof) and the stress that I have been experiencing personally. She agreed that I probably don't need medication right now, nor do I want it with our family history of drug abuse, but impressed on me how critical the next few weeks are going to be in terms of recovery for me. I'm going to need alot of support from C, and that may mean a few days of him at home throughout the week, and him taking care of me...so that I can take care of Owen.

She also suggested that C be at home for the next little while, and go to doctor's appointments and support groups with me so that he can fully grasp what I'm going through. He's never known me to ask for help, nor has he really ever seen me so...disengaged from our life. I think (I don't know for sure...but I would highly suspect) that it's difficult to see me go through this, but we'll get me on track. I know we will. It might mean him making me a healthy dinner, forcing me to eat on a regualr schedule, drawing me bubble baths and us all going for a family walk every evening...but we can do this.

Pam, the nurse, got me written information about PPD and how support systems can help (primarily the grandparents) get me through this...and also how it can impact our entire family. It will make stressful relationships more strained, and it can cause alot of division in a family. However, if everyone is on board with getting me healthy, then only good things can come to us!

Then we went onto my blood pressure, which is post on, and my weight...which is almost down to what I weighed when I met C back in 2004...and is what I graduated high school with! (thankfully, I lost weight in university...but that's beside the point). I am currently 36lbs. less than when I got pregnant in September. 36lbs!!

In terms of how things have healed, I've been given the green light for long walks and yoga, and really any exercise that I want! I've also been given strict instructions to take me-time everyday, be it a bubble bath, hot shower, or long long walk. Me-time...*sigh* that sounds divine.

The last thing that we talked about was the pumping and the added stress that it is causing for me right now. Added stress also means that my supply has gone back down to the 1oz./pumping session...and with Owen eating 4oz. every 4 hours...my body certainly can't keep up. I was going to ask Dr. Gari about stopping, the options etc. and before I had the chance, she suggested that I stop. I've done all that I can, my body is under too much stress and my mental health is at risk right now. Why go through pumping every 2-3 hours to get little-to-no milk, only to feel horrible about it?

She's right, and it's definitely encouraging to have someone on the same page as I who isn't judging me or giving me the stink-eye for considering stopping. There are so many other, much more positive ways for me to bond with Owen than to know that he's getting my milk. C and I will have to have a serious conversation about it, but I think that I will stop pumping very soon. How soon...I don't know. But it's definitely on the horizon so that we can focus on my mental health.

Postpartum Depression

This is an entry I've been avoiding for a while...5 weeks to be exact.

It's not something that people really talk about. Postpartum what? Depression, eh...hmm...

We knew right from the get go when we started this journey over a year ago, that there was some big potential for me to wind up with this condition (the most common complication of pregnancy actually) based solely on family history. Bipolar runs in my family, and I've dealt with alot of grief in the past 5 years after my Dad passed away.

Well...I officially have it. Like, officially officially.

We sort of knew it was coming at about 1 week postpartum, when I would cry at the drop of the hat, and then be a raging lunatic. I hoped, oh I so hoped that it was just the baby blues. However... when we got to 3 weeks...4 weeks...and now 5 weeks...it's pretty clear that it's postpartum depression.

I'm not having the scary thoughts of wanting to hurt Owen. Honestly, the thought of anything bad happening to my little boy makes me so sad it's indescribable. However, I have had moments of totally irrational thoughts...

Like, Owen wouldn't take his soother to calm down on Saturday night. What did I do? I whipped his soother clear across the room. Definitely, not rational!

Then, on Monday when he was the redfaced spawn of satan and wouldn't stop screaming, I screamed back! And not quietly! I also had a (fleeting) thought of I can't do this and I want to get in the car and drive away. Obviously, I didn't, but the thought was there.

It's a very difficult thing to deal with. One day, I'm completely fine and enjoying being a mom so much it hurts. Other days...all I want is for C to come home immediately from work so I can escape everything...and everyone.

It's also difficult when others don't really fully understand what you're going through. I went to a postpartum mom's support group yesterday to sort of connect with other women who're going through the same thing. I knew that there would also be a therapist there, so perhaps she'd be able to give me some coping strategies, and ways to help our support system understand how they can help me, and C, through this.

I've decided that one of the ways I can cope is to write and be brutally honest about what I'm going through. So far, I've noticed that alot of women hide from it and are in denial about what they're going through. If what I have to say strikes a chord with anyone out there and helps them through their own journey, fantastic.

The support group that I went to yesterday was...interesting. It was hard to relate to the other women, as they had toddlers and infants much older than Owen, and they are in a much different mental state than I am in. They're so happy, and while I'm sure that they have their moments of lunacy, it sort of felt...fake. Did they really understand what I was feeling? It certainly didn't feel like it.

The good part about the group, and probably the only reason that I would consider going back, is the therapist. Her name is Jody, and you can sit in a very safe place and talk to her about whatever you need. While I have a hormonal imbalance that is swinging pretty crazily right now, there are also alot of external stresses that I'm dealing with as well, so having a therapist to talk to and help me set up boundaries around those stressers, and release control over the things that are holding me back from being truly happy.

I do see a light at the end of a tunnel...but it feels like with every step forward, the end of the tunnel seems further and further away.

While I know that this is temporary and that it will eventually go away, it's hard to see sometimes.

So weekly, I'll check in and write. Write until my heart is content, or until the tears are clouding my eyes so badly that I can't see the keyboard anymore. Either way, it will prove to be therapeutic, and again...if it helps anyone out there, great!

Dr's Update

Well, we had Owen's 1month checkup today....

Height - 22 1/4"
Weight - 9lbs.11oz.
Head circumference - 38cm

Yes...you read all of that right. He's a BIG boy! His muscle tone is great, reactions perfect...and get this...they think he's going to have blue eyes! Crazy, eh!? There was only about a 10% chance of that happening, and well...looks like he's a very special babe!

Now...the height and weight...

The doctor anticipates that he's going to be over 6', which he certainly gets from his cousins Steve, Scott and Mike, and he's currently in the 99th percentile for height in respect to his age.

Our baby is getting so big, and so fast!

We asked about when to increase the ounces that he eats, and thankfully Pam (the nurse) gave us information about that, and also about the colic, and when to transition him to his crib.

Well...they think now. I have such mixed emotions about this. On one hand, it means sleep. On the other, it means a monitor next to the bed, and my baby being that much further away. I think bassinet before crib, and maybe he'll like the bassinet now that he's bigger and older. She also said that since he's moving around so much, he needs more space...which means the end of swaddling.

Oh my. I'm not sure I'm ready for this!!

However...he is growing out of all of the blankets we have to swaddle him in, and kicks out on them in his sleep anyhow.

Anyway, there you have it. Big baby...who is happier than ever!

Newborn Photo's

A couple of weeks ago, we had Owen's newborn photo shoot with Rosita...I thought the first one was cute...these are even better!

Our HABS baby!

C loves him so much!

LOVE this book...it's about a little boy named Owen :)

Singing All my Loving to calm down a cranky, squirmy boy

How can you not love him?

We sure do!

Happy Birthday, Momma T!

Today's a special one!! It's Momma T's birthday!! We're off to Woodstock on Thursday evening for dinner with the crew, including GodMomma, her bf J, her son T (who still insists on calling Owen "Indy"...as in Indiana Jones!), T's hubby R, baby girl O! It will be really nice to see everyone, and have two very capable ladies take Owen off our hands for a couple of hours so we can relax...and perhaps even enjoy a glass of wine!

So today, since it's all about T, I thought I would post some pictures of when she, R and O met Owen for the very first time.

T was so excited to meet him...and even stopped at the hospital mere seconds after he was born to drop off an orchid for us (which looks beautiful in our entry way). O was very excited about "the baby", and kept patting him and smiling at him.

The O's!!! Owen and miss O!

I love that in all of the pictures, T is snugly behind O...were you hiding from the camera?!

O "holding" Owen...very cute! O is C's #1 Girl...as he calls her.

Happy Birthday T!! We love ya!

My First(fur)Baby

Poor Miss Maggie-Mae...or "fatty" as C has been calling her the past couple of days. She was my first(fur)baby and I think she's not liking taking the backseat to Owen.

While I was pregnant, she used to like to snuggle right up to my belly and would purr up a storm...until she got kicked by a squirmy worm. These days...she still tries to come in for a snuggle, but Owen takes up alot of space on the outside and likes to stretch out...



I don't think she likes to share...and she certainly doesn't like it when he gets all squirmy.

Though sharing while we're all in C's recliner made for a much nicer nap, if you ask Ms. Mags



We still love you, Maggie and you will always be my #1 girl!

Happy 1 Month!

That's right!!

Owen is one month old today.

It's insane to think of how our lives have changed over the past month. Gone are the days of picking up and going out for dinner or to the movies. Gone are the days of gallivanting downtown to our favourite hot spots and to copious amounts of concerts. Gone is the "two of us," and here is the "three of us."

In perfect timing, we saw a sneak peek of Owen's newborn pictures last night. Holy crap...he's a cute kid!

So today...I will leave you with his first professional picture. I could stare at it all day long!

Spelling Success

Good morning! Do you remember reading something about ginormous boobs due to increased milk production yesterday?

Well...around here we spell success in numbers.

2oz.

That's right! 2 OUNCES!!!

As Owen hit the 4week mark, my boobs seem to have finally figured out what they're supposed to do! Since switching to the new miPump, I have consistently been getting between 40-60ml per pumping session...even in the afternoon when I don't produce a lot!

I still seem to get the most in the wee hours of the morning, and very late at night when I'd really rather be sleeping...but I trudge on and pump knowing that it will give Owen that much more, and even sometimes enough for another feeding session. Now, instead of it taking 3 puming sessions to get a bottle for Owen (3 sessions = 7-9ish hours!), I can get a bottle in 2 sessions!

The left is still the primary producer, and it's hilarious...or weird...because it's so much bigger than the right when done filling up with milk. The right...well...it's still struggling, but sometimes I can get almost a full ounce out of it. It really depends on the day, what we're doing, how relaxed I am and how long it has been since I pumped.

The thing that has amazed me the most, I think, is that there is the constant tingling pain of letdown. Typically, the letdown reflex (which is the involuntary ejection of milk...aka...leaking) only happens when the breasts are full and the milk needs to be released. For me...it feels like that it all of the time! Encouraging, to a point...but it should stabilize within a couple of weeks once my milk supply is really established and on the right track.

Until then, there will be extra breast pads and an extra shirt in Owen's diaper bag.

So, trudge on I shall! It's been a month of this craziness, but I'm getting into a routine of change a diaper, feed a baby and pump the boobs. It only takes 10 minutes, and now that I have the miPump with handlebar, I can feed Owen at the same time as pumping if I need to.

All in all, I'll chalk these 2oz. (2 ounces!!!) up as one big success!

Bandista

No...I didn't just make up a word. I swear...I didn't! But...that's what you can refer to me for the next 10 weeks!

Yesterday in my ventures, I stopped over at Cheeky Monkey to look into the Belly Bandit. I have been incredibly shocked with my post-baby body...my stomach, while it's flat...there are alot of stretch marks and an abundance of saggy skin. Not such a fan of that, so I took the advice of my online-mommy pals and started looking into the Belly Bandit.

One word can sum it up. Amazing!

It is a compression belt that tones up your ab muscles, helps with water retention and the swelling around your mid section. It also helps your uterus shrink back down to its pre-pregnancy size.

How long do I have to wear it? Did you really read 10 weeks?

Yes yes, you did. 10 weeks, day and night! Basically, unless I'm having a shower, or swimming (let's get serious....) I have it on.

Day 1 went well, though it was a little awkward since I'm so short waisted and I sort of felt like a Barbie doll. y boobs, which are ginormous these days due to increased milk production (tomorrow's post!!), felt like they were being pushed up my nose and my waist was teeny tiny! And sleeping with it on...so strange!

However, hopefully it will be worth it and my body will react well to this compression technique. Then, bring on the Yoga and daily walks! Who knows, maybe I'll even feel good enough to go jogging with C! (ya, right!!)

Pumps In Review

As promised to a few of my fabulous online mommy friends...I want to share some thoughts, nay reviews, on the various pumps that I've been working with to help with this milk production issue over the past couple of weeks.

Problem

Poor milk supply, primarily due to stress on my body and a poor breastfeeding experience shortly after Owen was born. It also took longer than expected for my milk to come in, and I was still getting only small amounts of colostrum 5-7 days post-delivery. Currently, I am getting close to (if not a full) 1oz from the left breast, and 5-20ml from the right.

Solution

Exclusively pump as Owen will not get enough at each feeding if I were exclusively breastfeeding. Supplement with formula and ensure he gets 2-3 breastmilk feedings a day. Work with a lactation consultant. Take fenugreek and blessed thistle supplements, as well as Omega3. Pump every 2-3 hours as if still breastfeeding, with a double electric pump.

Pumps to Review

Medela MiniElectric - $134.99 Cdn




Features
Battery, AC Adapter or manual pump
2 replacement valves
1 collection bottle, with nipple and cap

Pros
Small and lightweight
Suction control dial on side of pump
Can pump on the go with battery power

Cons
Drains batteries...fast
Loud, especially when on AC power
Not strong enough for frequent daily use
Not recommended to increase milk supply
Stiff plastic breastshield is not super comfortable
Comes with 24mm breastshield, not recommended for larger breasts (had to purchase 27mm breastshield)

Overall Review

It's an allright pump, but I would only recommend it if you aren't going to be pumping exclusively. If you only need to go at it once and a while, say to pump for a babysitter or omething for a date night, then it's totally fine. It's a little loud, but if you're in another room, it's not overly intrusive to others around you. Since it's a single pump, it takes double the time. If you have the time to give, not an issue. If you're a busy on the go mom...this probably isn't the pump for you.


Ameda Purely Yours Double Electric Pump - $100 used mechanical unit, $60 hygeinekit Cdn ($235 new)





Features
Single or double pumping
AC, battery and car adapters
6 collection bottles
2 extra valves

Pros
Double pumping
Quiet
Various suction and speed levels

Cons
Purchased used...and it stopped working
25mm hard plastic breastshields, not build for the well endowed
Takes 6 AA batteries

Overall Review

To be honest, this pump is fantastic in my opinion. I would have kept it for sure and would still be using it today if it hadn't lost suction. It's a little heavy, 6lbs I think, but comes with a carry-all bag for all of the bottles and attachments...though I didn't have the chance to use it and am not sure I would have anyhow. I was excited about the car adapter option...making road trips a breeze! If you have the money to spend on a really great double pump, I would recommend this one...but buy it new! Thankfully, this kijiji seller is willing to give me a full refund!!


The First Years miPump Double - $99 Cdn

Features
Flex-fit breastshields
8 suction speeds
Electric or battery operated
Stylin carry bag

Pros
Comes with a cross bar that connects both collection units, so you have one hand free
Quiet
Breastshields are made of a flexible plastic to ensure a more comfortable fit
Very lightweight, approximately 1lb.

Cons
Well...I've only had it for about half of the day, so none yet!

Overall Review

By far, I like this pump the best...for a few reasons. It's super quiet, and the crossbar is awesome. You connect the two collection bottle pump parts, and then have one hand free to do whatever you need! Blog...text...tend to a fussy baby. The suction doesn't get super strong, but I actually like that because then there is no nipple irritation or discomfort. I also love the flex-fit breast shields. They almost massage the breast with the vibration of the suction from the pump, which has helped my milk flow a little better this afternoon during pumping sessions that have typically produced the least milk. If you're looking for a double pump, and don't want to shell out $300+ for a top of the line model, this one is FANTASTIC!


There you have it! 3 pumps in review...and one strong winner! I am very pleased with the miPump that I picked up today, and it definitely goes to show that the more expensive models aren't always the best ones. In hindsight, I wish I had of gotten a double pump before Owen was born, but who would have known that my body would have been under so much stress from previous issues and a complicated pregnancy that milk production would be an issue?!

I guess at the end of the day, you will know the pump that is best for your needs and your comfort level. If you're well endowed, I would recommend that you look for a pump with flexible breastshields, or at least breastshields that come in a variety of sizes so you can get the right fit. If you're planning on pumping alot (more than once a day), I would say go for the double...then you're only pumping 10minutes every 2-3 hours rather than 20minutes, and then clean up etc.

At the end of the day though, you'll know what's best for you and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Pumping is breastfeeding, and that's the important part! Stick with it and stay true to yourself, even if that means switching to formla sooner than you'd like, supplementing with formula, or getting your babes back on the breast. You know what's best!

A Happy Post

I'm trying very hard these days to focus on things that are happy and positive. I'll post later in the week as to why, but things with a newborn...on limited sleep, are far far harder than I think either C or I anticipated.

So today...I'm showing off some of the awesome gifts Owen's been given since being born.

Today...it's all about the Greenway's! C's best friend, Uncle T, was so excited to give Owen these...

Soccer gear, perfect for the World Cup!

And from T's parents...

See all of the bugs??? SO cute!!

And thankfully, all stuff that will fit him sooner than later!!

New 'Do

Today's going to be a short post...I'm running on very little sleep, and trying to find that balance between wife, mom and woman is proving to be too much for me this week. I am mentally and emotionally drained, and sleep deprivation isn't helping.

It's alot to wrap your head around...this taking care of a newborn thing. I literally feel like I've been awake for the past....3 weeks straight, and while we have a long list of family and friends who would love nothing more than for us to call them and ask them to babysit, he's still so little that I don't feel comfortable passing him off...not even for a short time.

Anyhow...that's not what I was going to write about today. I was going to show before and after pictures of my new 'do.

It's way shorter than I anticipated, but I LOVE it.

BEFORE....

So scraggly looking...and that red isn't exactly red anymore! Where are my bangs?!

AFTER......

Owen wasn't so sure about the change, and it was really funny to see his reaction after April was all finished curling my hair and making me feel like a goddess. He was sort of...wide eyed. It was really cute.

Oh! And here's the 3 week post-pregnancy body. I'm not going to post these pictures a whole lot, but I'm really proud of how much weight I've lost and been able to keep off. I do want to get a bella band or something of the sort to tighten things up, but all in all, I am very happy!

I can't wait for the heat and humidity to ebb off a little, and to have official clearance from the doctor to get out and walking on a daily basis, and do yoga as well! Gotta get some lean muscle and cardio in before this little boy has me chasing after him and I can't keep up!

Notes From C

Earlier this week, probably at one of the points of my day where I thought blogging impossible due to a fussy baby, I asked C to write a blog entry. Anything about being a Dad, what he's experienced in the past three weeks, and how our lives have changed...but from his perspective.

Well, here it is. And...it's quite interesting

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ve been asked to pen my thoughts on being a new Dad. And to be honest, if I had any, I’d be happy to share them with you. Three weeks have gone by since the O-Dog came into our world, and it feels like it was 10 minutes ago. Or it feels like it was 3 years ago. I can’t tell the difference.

That’s what I mean when I say that I’d be happy to share my thoughts – if I knew what they were. I can’t stand reading buzzwords and catchphrases, so I’m not going to say “this whole thing has been a whirlwind/blur” or “what a wonderful journey we’re on!”. The truth is that it’s hard, man. This whole thing is hard. I know that it’s worth it, and the moments when he smiles at you, or makes a silly face, or farts when you’re changing him DO make it worthwhile – don’t get me wrong. And my mind races to all the cool/amazing things I’m going to teach him/share with him over the next many years. I want him to be 2 so he’s walking and talking. I want him to be 4 so we can take him to Disney World. I want him to be 6 so he and I can sneak out golfing when Mom’s napping. These wonderful thoughts bounce around my head. And it makes it all worth it – every single second. But it’s hard.

I am absolutely exhausted. My system is rocked and completely thrown off. It’s affecting my work, my mood, my ability to exercise – my whole life. And let’s be honest, I’ve got it easy. I’m not the one whose body has just gone through the insane process of cultivating a human for 9+ months, nor am I the one whose body had to then extricate said-human from itself. Add to that, I’m not the one who spends virtually every waking (and most “sleeping”) moments with our son, nor am I the one charged with the role of meal-producer. I get an 8-hour reprieve from “Dad-duty” every day to go to work. I hold a bottle in the middle of the night while half awake/asleep and then sloppily change a diaper before going back to bed. I’ve got it easy. And (as mentioned) I am absolutely exhausted.

So let’s circle back and take some attention off the O-Dog for a second here. This entry is supposed to be about me, or at the very least my point of view, so I can only talk about the experience of trying to support a wife that is emotionally, and physically drained. As I mentioned, she’s got the short end of the stick in all of this. I simply cannot relate to the things she’s experiencing. What worries me the most is how it affects our interaction with one another. Last night we were flipping channels right before bed and stumbled on a re-run episode of “How I Met Your Mother”. In the episode, a “new Mom” was shown to be talking to one of the main characters and was just thankful to be having interaction with an adult outside of “He needs to be fed!” or “Can you get him to be quiet, please!” I had seen this episode before, and laughed at the segment. Last night, however, it certainly rang true. The character in the show was very much “on edge”, and no doubt that is how we are both feeling right now.

In the long run, I am supremely confident that the O-Dog’s arrival is going to be the greatest thing that S and I ever do, and will bring us – jointly – an amount of joy that I simply can’t quantify right now. Right now, however, finding a routine and a “system” that work for him AND us is proving to be elusive.

C

Meeting Gaetane

Yesterday was a bit of a whirlwind, in a very good way.

We started our day out with some snuggles in bed, then got ready to go shopping. I've lost alot of weight on top of the weight I was already down from all of the morning sickness...which means that NONE of my clothes fit!

Off top Old Navy we go...and hello 30% off sale! I got 4 new shirts for myself, 6 for C and 1 for Owen (old school Batman t-shirt anyone? YES PLEASE!!) And Owen was EXCELLENT while we were out...he pretty much slept the entire time!

Funny story though....I was in the change room trying to wrap my head around sizes that don't start with an L...and all of a sudden the door opened! A little girl, maybe 3 or 4 years old, walked right in to see "the baby"...then proceeded to rub my belly and ask "What's on your tummy?" while touching my stretch marks. I couldn't stop giggling...partially at myself for not locking the change room door, and partially at the little girl who was rubbing my belly. She was so cute! Her mom, on the other hand, was rather horrified and when I saw them later in the store said "Oh that's the lady you violated!" when the little girl came over to see Owen for the umpteenth millionth time.

Got home, fed Owen and pumped. Then I sat and waited for Gaetane, the lactation consultant and public health nurse. 3:30 rolled around, and I started to fear that she was going to miss the appointment...again...then the door bell rang!

We met over the course of an hour and a half, and it was fantastic and so incredibly positive for me.

First and foremost, she wanted to weigh a naked baby. So, I stripped him down and put hi gently on her scale.

8lbs 13.5oz.

Yup...that's right! My little man is certainly not suffering from this back and forth formula/breastmilk routine! Haha, I probably shouldn't be calling him a little man either...he's rather large for 3 weeks old!

Then we talked about my milk supply. She said that at this point, we should be focusing on sustaining the supply that I do have rather than increasing it. Taking the fenugreek and blessed thistle will help with that, and there are a few other tricks that she talked to me about that might help increase, but will definitely help sustain.

In terms of pumping techniques, I'm doing everything right. Every 3 hours, for 10 minutes at a time with the double pump (which decided to lose its suction at 4am....argh). I talked to her about the poor right production, and we're going to try power pumping over the weekend.

What's power pumping? Well...it's a three day cycle to mimic a growth spurt.
Day 1 - pump every hour for 5 minutes per side
Day 2 - pump every 2-3 hours for 10 minutes on, 10 minutes off, 10 minutes on
Day 3 - pump every 3 hours for 10 minutes per side, with an extra 5 on the right

Then repeat. It's going to be exhausting, but it's worth a shot!

We talked about other issues like stress, my Dad passing away and it coming up to the 5th year anniversary of that, my relationship with C, his family, my family and how all of that is impacting my mental health. It was pretty clear to us both that due to all of the stress I've been under for the past 5 years, and now with this breastfeeding issue, I am at a higher risk for Postpartum Depression.

Gaetane was a great impartial sounding board. She's going to visit once every two weeks for the next couple of months to make sure that I'm allright, and to snuggle with Owen.

I also learned alot yesterday. Like, when he's kicking and squirming and twisting himself (what we would call as fussy), he's actually working out a gas bubble. That when he's turning his head from side to side when I'm talking, he's looking for me.

The most notable thing that I learned was that it's very common in women who either have a hard time getting pregnant, or who have complicated pregnancies and stressful deliveries to have a low milk supply. There's just too much stress on the body, and I suppose if you really sit down and think about our situation...it makes sense.

While it wasn't to the extent of IVF or IUI to get pregnant, it was a struggle with annovulatory cycles. Then we had a few hospital trips during the pregnancy, weight loss from morning sickness, and one instance where we almost lost this little guy in December. Add in a delivery that I thought was smooth, but learned was anything but when Owen had to have CPR and that it was rather touch and go for the first little while...ya...it makes sense.

At least now, I know that I've done everything that I can, and that I've made the best decisions for my son (with C's support of course) that I could. I feel confident in those decisions, and after meeting with Gaetane, I feel pretty darn strong. I haven't failed my son; I've chosen what is best for our situation and am very happy with those decisions.

On a totally unrelated and random note....you may have noticed that the music for our blog has changed. Well...these are Owen's songs. The songs that calm him down when he really is fussing and not just working on a gas bubble...and notably the first song.

All My Loving

We will often say close your eyes to him at night, and both C and I sing or hum the song to him. He drifts off to sleep...and gives us a little smile.

I fall in love with this little creature more and more everyday.

Congratulatory Gifts

I mentioned a long long time ago that I had gotten C something really special...something I wouldn't normally get for him, but something that I know he would enjoy...to celebrate the birth of our son.

Originally, I had planned on getting myself a little something to say "Yay! You did it! 5 months of throwing up, three trips to the hospital, a month long labour process and a few touch-and-go situations...but you did it! And he's beautiful!" C said no, absolutely not...he wanted to get me something.

Did I leave hints? Absolutely! What girl wouldn't want something shiny and new in a little blue box?!

While absolutely unnecessary, I really wasn't expecting him to go to the great lengths that he did...get something on back order well in advance...

It's beautiful.

Now my O is next to my heart, no matter where I go. This seriously makes my heart (and eyes) well up! C got me the Tiffany's Notes "O" Charm to put on my necklace, next to the diamond pendant that he gave me on our wedding day. The necklace used to be my Dad's and I haven't taken it off since my mom gave it to me a few months after he passed away, 5 years ago.

What did I get C??

Taylor Fladgate, 10 year old Tawny Port. It's something that he really enjoys, as a special treat, and will order if we're out for a really nice dinner. It's not something I would ever get him, but something that I knew he would really love.

And since Father's Day was only 4 days after Owen was born...

Cufflinks...sort of my go-to gift for a momentous occasion. One with OAD engraved on it, and the other will have Owen's birthdate engraved. I was a little nervous...thinking that C would think it corny, but he LOVES them and that the case says DAD in big...bold letters.

I've never seen a more proud poppa...and I've never loved that man more than I do right now.

A Quickie

Just a short post today, since I'll be updating probably this evening as well.

The Lactation Consultant didn't stop over yesterday - apparently, she had double booked herself between a meeting and the home visit with me. I'm starting to get the impression that this isn't a very important issue to her and that feeling is absolutely horrible.

The fenugreek and blessed thistle are...well...I guess sustaining my poor milk supply. It hasn't increased at all, and actually the right breast is a horrible performer. While I can get almost a full ounce, if not a full ounce, out of the left...I struggle to get 20ml out of the right.

But we have a plan! I decided that even if my supply doesn't increase, as long as it doesn't decrease I will continue to pump for the next couple of months, exhausting as it is, so that Owen gets as much breastmilk as possible. Right now, he has 2-3 full feedings a day of breastmilk, and we typically only use the formula throughout the night since it helps him sleep longer...and therefore we sleep a little longer.

The Lactation Consultant is scheduled to stop by at 3pm this afternoon, and I have a slew of questions for her. I'm still not sure about getting Owen back on the breast, and know that she's going to push for that, so I'll have to be quite frank in my concerns and worries about it. My main concern is why my right is not producing as much as the left no matter how many hot compresses, showers, massages or supplements I take.

I'll report back this evening, after softball, about what she has to say.

Oh! And Notes From C will be back this week...his first edition since becoming a Dad!

Saturday Morning with Owen

I swore up and down that I wasn't going to be one of those parents who takes pictures of every cute little thing that their child does.

I swore that there would be no pictures of fingers and toes, bare bums and sleeping babies. I swore up and down that I would not be that parent.

Ya....okay....sure.

Then Saturday morning hit...Owen was on his new playmat testing it out, and was making the funniest little grunts ever, and kicking everything in sight! I took a video of it but it doesn't seem to want to upload. But, oh! I did take pictures too!

So, that's how we spent part of our long holiday weekend. Watching and marvelling in the silly little noises and things that Owen has started to do.

He's getting so strong and has noticeably grown in the past week or so. He is much more anitmated these days and loves to smile at C and I, and is still tooting up a storm. But he's pretty cute, and I think we'll keep him.

How cute is he? Well...you be the judge!

The Lactation Consultant Cometh

I have finally heard back from Gaetane, the lactation consultant and public health nurse who covers my area of the city.

The past few days have been...trying. Owen has had some very fussy moments, my emotions have been rather out of control, and C and I are trying to work together and remember that all 3 of us are still learning how to do this family and parenting thing.

I'd bee waiting since Monday evening to hear from Gaetane. When she didn't call by noon on Wednesday, I left her a friendly voicemail asking that she call me as soon as possible so that we could figure things out.

She called on Wednesday, in the early evening...while I was in the car, in traffic, with a screaming baby in the background who had just pooped for the first time in about 2.5 days and was not happy about waiting to have his diaper changed. I was frustrated and crying. Of course that's when she calls!

She left a voicemail with a few tips and pointers, but said that she would speak with me on Friday after the Canada Day holiday to get into more details about what I will need to do to increase my supply.

Last night, at around 9pm I think it was, she gave me a shout and these pointers.

Fenugrek
She had told me about this in the voicemail, so I'd been drinking this God awful tea since about Tuesday night that tastes like black licorice. Ew. Yuck. Gross. I told her that I'd been drinking the tea, and she said that it won't be effective enough unless I am going to drink tea and only tea all day long. Apparently, there is a health food store near my house that sells Fenugrek capsules. I will have to take 3 capsules at breakfast, lunch and dinner, for a total of 9 capsules per day.

Blessed Thistle
Now, I have no idea what this is, but Gaetane said that I will have to take this with the Fenugrek and that my milk supply will increase significantly within 72 hours. Again, 3 capsules at breakfast, lunch and dinner, for a total of 9 per day.

Yes...that's 18 capsules per day all together. Ugh.

Oatmeal
Apparently, for some reaosn, eating oatmeal everyday has been known to increase ilk supply. Not sure why, but at least it's a tasty whole grain option for breakfast. This one will be easy to work into the daily routine!

Double Breast Pump
She mentioned this in her voicemail as well. Currently, I am using the Medela MiniElectric...which isn't good enough to be exclusively pumping. I mean, it gets the ob done, but it's not effective as increasing supply, stimulating the letdown period in breastfeeding, or mimicking the massage of a newborns chin and suck.

The catch is that this double pump comes at a hefty price. C and I looked into renting a pump from Cheeky Monkey, and the cost for the next 6 months is roughly $630. To purchase the pump after rental, since it's hospital grade, is $2000. To purchase the commercial pump of the same brand is $235. Seems like a no brainer to us.

However, there are other places in the city that rent double pumps, so my mission for Saturday is to call around to check on price and availability. Then, I'll be going off to get the pump.

Gaetane said that I should be good to rent one for 10 days, and then can move to a good single pump. Looks like the Medela MiniElectric is going to be coming to a Kijiji or Ebay near you for resale!

All in all, it was a good conversation, and she is coming out to visit on Monday at 11am. Since she's a public health nurse, there are other things that she can deal with and help me through, like the anxiety it fills me to get Owen back on the breast (something that she really wants me to try, with the help of breastshields to protect myself and the breastfeeding clinics every Wednesday. I'm not so sure I want to, but it's something that she and I can discuss further on monday) and some of the feelings on inadequacy that surround this breastfeeding issue, as well as the personal stress load that I am carrying from other places.

I know that I can do this, and my body has been showing signs over the past couple of days of being able to, it's just a very long go of it right now. It's rather draining to pump every 3 hours, and keep up with feeding Owen, as well as all of the other responisbilities around the house. I know...laundry can wait...but it grinds my gears to just have it sitting there sometimes.

For now though, my mission is to shop around to compare prices of double breast pump rentals to that of purchasing the $235 one at Cheeky Monkey, and to get, and start taking immediately, the herbal supplements.

I'm like the Little Engine that Could. I just won't give up on this.

I think I can, I think I can.

Happy Canada Day!

From the three of us, to all of you out there...Happy Canada Day!

Have a great day with your families, enjoy your bar-b-que's and fireworks, and snuggle those little ones close as we celebrate this great country of ours!