Being Selfish

This post is going to be all about me. Ya...that's right, me!

I think I deserve a little attention amongst all of this baby madness, but I need a little help.

What am I talking about? My hair, obviously!

I haven't done a single thing to it since the beginning of April, and let me tell you....the grey's are coming in fast and furious (thanks, Dad), the red streak in my bangs (which really...who's kidding...I don't have bangs really anymore) is more like an orangey straw colour, and the length is absolutely ridiculous!


I have an appointment with the amazing April on the 8th to get spruced up.

So...What do you think I should do? I'm definitely open to suggestion!

Here's the before (aka now...after a nap with Owen)



And here are some things that I've done in the past...



A little long, with bangs and my red streak through them



Solid dark dark brown, chin lengthish



Asymmetrical, curly with a little red poking through on the side


Asymmetrical, straight with red poking through on the side (that you can't see in the picture)


I've had it long, super short (in like grade 4-8, hahaha) and somewhere in the middle. I've had red highlights, blonde, caramel, purple, different shades of brown...


I'd like to be able to still pull it back in a pony tail, or loose pig tails, since it's the summer, and also because it is the summer, I wear it straight alot of the time to avoid frizz and ridiculousness.


Oh...and did I mention that we have Owen's newborn pictures on the 8th? So...momma's gotta look good! Curly or straight???

Mr. Crankypants

Wow...yesterday must have been the day of fussy babies. Was there a full moon or some other natural phenomena going on that us mom's weren't aware of?

Owen and I had an excellent day...a low key day, but an excellent one. Started off with a few hours of snuggling in bed, a very late breakfast...but all in all, we were keeping with his feeding schedule and he was getting another day of breast milk.

He was napping at all of the right intervals and it was looking like a fabulous day. I had made my calls to the public health nurse, who I played phone tag with all day but we finally connected at around 5:30pm and she's going to hook me up with a lactation consultant who specializes in pumping moms. Perfect!

I even had time for a well rounded lunch, called our investment guy to figure out my savings account (I've been on maternity leave since April 16th, applied for my benefits on the 29th and am still waiting for a payment from the government!! Another gripe for another day...) and even booked myself a hair appointment for the 8th (the day we get Owen's newborn pictures done with Rosita!).

The day was going great! C came home from work, fed Owen while I pumped (which wasn't getting worse in terms of supply, not better...but definitely not worse!) and got ready for the gym.

Then it happened. Owen turned into Mr. Crankypants. I should have known that by the time C got home from the gym, Owen would need to eat again. I should have remembered to boil water earlier in the day since we're onto a can of powdered formula. I should have known.

Apparently, my mind was elsewhere and I forgot.

Queue pouty, screaming, crying (with tears!! holy break my heart!) and all around miserable baby.

I felt pretty horrible, I'm not going to lie. I was trying to calm him, and it seemed that singing to him was working, right up until the garage door went up and C walked in the door. Fussy, fussy, fussy.

I had him put a pot of water on the stove and he grabbed his keys and ran to the store for premixed formula and diapers (another post for another day...why can't manufacturers agree on a newborn size?!).

After getting Owen fed and changed, it seemed that we could not soothe him. No amount of rocking, singing, bouncing, walking, talking, shhhing, or rubbing his back helped. We took turns trying to get him to calm down, but it seemed that he was so overtired that there was no helping him. He also had the toots...really bad, and we wondered if perhaps he was constipated or had a bought of indigestion.

We gave him some gripe water and popped in a soother. That worked...for a few minutes at least.

I was getting pretty exhausted at this point, probably around the 9:30 mark, and we all settled on the couch to snuggle and watch the Bachelorette. Thank GOD for the PVR.

By 10, Owen was fast asleep on my chest after much resistance and my butt was hurting from the angle I was sitting at. Okay...don't panic...you can move without waking him. C thought I was nuts to even try, but seriously, it was move or not be able to and have to sleep on the couch over night.

Thankfully, I was able to move and once the Bachelorette was over, was even able to pass Owen off to C for his final feeding before bedtime and get the diaper caddy and feeding caddy ready for beside the bed.

Yesterday must have been the day for fussy babies. Two of my online-mommy friends had fussers either overnight Monday, or all day yesterday. I felt so helpless last night trying to get him calmed down and knowing that nothing was going to work...he was just too tired to let it.

That being said, he's been excellent tonight. It's 4:30am, he just fed about a half hour ago and I have time to pump, make my list of questions for the lactation consultant who will be visiting at some point today or tomorrow, and have a few minutes of peace and quiet to myself to do other things like blog and check emails.

I'm starting to like 4am. Everything's quiet.

Supply and Demand

Oh the trials and tribulations of a pumping mom.

The past weekend had been far from easy when it came to feeding time with Owen, and I attribute alot of the frustration to not being smart enough to take my breast pump over to C's parents place on Friday night to get in a pumping session while we were there for birthday-father's day festivities.

Saturday rolled around, and I noticed a large red patch covering about a 1/4 of my right breast. Uh oh, I thought...the beginnings of masitisis. In other words, not good. I spent part of the day in tears, feeling like a complete failure, and part of the day determined to make this work. C was incredibly supportive, did all of the feedings with Owen and let me figure out a pumping schedule that worked for me and my boobs.

I'm not sure how many warm compresses, glasses of water and juice, healthy meals, relaxation techniques and hours were spent pumping on Saturday, but I just felt that something was off. I was still getting a good ounce of breast milk at every pump so things were okay in that respect, and the clogged ducts in the right breast definitely were loosening and feeling alot better.

Then Sunday happened. Sunday...how I hate you so. I wanted to be switched over to exclusively breast milk by the end of the weekend, and was so excited on Saturday to have bought new breast pads, more milk saver bags and a larger storage bin for the freezer for our stock pile.

C was off golfing with Uncle B and Nagypapi, and Owen and I were having a great morning. He was feeding really well off the breast milk and I couldn't be happier. That is, until I went to pump.

Half an ounce. Pardon me? That's it?! From both breasts?? Wait...combined?!

I certainly did not see that one coming. I immediately text C and said "I think I'm drying up." Seriously, if it wasn't bad enough that I can't handle breastfeeding, now I couldn't handle pumping and my breasts were deciding to dry up!? Queue more tears and that resounding feeling of failure all over again.

By the end of the morning, before some fantastic visitors came over, I had resigned myself to one thing: my baby is going to be a formula baby.

However, I was determined to give it a good last-ditch-effort and pumped religiously every 2-4 hours even though I couldn't feel my breasts filling up and getting that heavy-with-milk feeling. I tried drinking more water (I never get enough...), eating more, relaxing more and tried to cry less.

The one natural thing that my body is supposed to be able to do in all of this is produce milk...and it wasn't. I consistently got 1/2 an ounce with every pump, sometimes even less than that, and maybe once a little bit more. I was getting discouraged incredibly fast, and started to wrap my head around formula feedings...the cost of formula...getting more bottles...whether premixed is better than powder...which brand would be the most suitable.

C was fantastic throughout it all. He reassured me that as long as Owen's tummy is full, it doesn't matter where it comes from and that perhaps formula isn't such a bad idea. Then I won't be filled with stress and anxiety when it comes to breastfeeding, and now pumping. I was thinking him right on those aspects, and very much appreciated a good long hug to not feel like a total failure. He even tried to make me laugh through my tears, and commented on the fact that it was our first hug without my belly in the way and that it was exciting to be able to wrap his arms fully around me and even give my butt a little pat for encouragement.

I kept pumping every 2-4 hours, on the off chance that the girls were just having an off day and needed a rest while getting used to this pumping like a madwoman schedule I've been on. By the later hours of the evening, after a nice dinner out without C or Owen (Daddy's suggestion that I go out for some me-time...it was very much worth it!) with a good friend, I had pretty much convinced myself that this wasn't going to happen.

I came home, and C was wanting me to call the doctor first thing Monday morning. Why? What are they going to tell me? If I'm drying up, there's no magical pill that they can give me to increase my supply. He was getting concerned that with the redness and clogged ducts, that perhaps there was a medical reason why my body was sabotaging itself. Allright, fine...

But I wanted to try pumping up until making that call, if nothing else to relieve myself of any future pain when my body did decide to fully dry up.

1. FULL. OUNCE!

I couldn't believe it. All day at barely 15ml, and then I get a whopping 30ml all at once!? YAHOO!!

I talked to C about what options we have and who we should call, and we've decided that I need to talk to a lactation consultant. I'm not sure how they can help, or if they can since I'm pumping, but I figure it's worth a shot as I am determined to make this work! We made a long list of questions including if I should get a different/more effective pump, herbal supplements or vitamins that may help increase the supply, how long it should take to establish said supply, and even what foods may help increase the supply.

I'm really hoping that they'll have some pointers for me, and even if I have to spend another $200 on a new and better pump, it will save in 6+months of formula, extra bottles and nipples...That's what my savings account can be used for I suppose. Thankfully, they make house calls and will travel out to see me rather than me packing up Owen and trudging downtown. It's not far, but it's still an ordeal and right now, I don't need the added stress. As it's 4am now, and likely they won't be up and crazy like I am, I will make a point to call them first thing in the morning once their office is open.

I'm not giving up yet. I won't let this defeat me on something I hold so important.

It seems that it takes my breasts about 4-5 hours to fill, so when I am pumping every 2-3 hours...there's barely anything there yet. If it's going to take so long to fill, then at least let's work on increasing my supply so that I'm getting more than an ounce every 4-5 hours and can bank more milk in the long run over a longer period of time between pumpings. That would be fantastic, and it's definitely the thread of hope that I'm hanging onto with dear life.

Meeting The Szems

Last night, Owen met his Uncle B and Auntie S for the very first time...a moment that C was really looking forward to, I mean...it is his big brother after all!

While Uncle B was a little hesitant to hold him, he soon warmed up to the idea of a baby and was being silly in no time. Auntie S was awesome with him and Owen really snuggled into her. It was very cute!

Nagypapi took Owen over to meet the neighbours, The H's, and got the seal of approval from the head honcho.


We even sneaked in a family picture. Why no one told me that my hair looked ridiculous and needs to be cut and dyed is beyond me, but I think the pictures all turned out very nicely!




With Uncle B


With Auntie S, the birthday girl




With Nagypapi




Uncle B being silly...apparently Owen needed aviators



Helping get socks on those tiny feet

First family picture!! Only took a week to get!!

What Makes It Worthwhile...

Yesterday was in a few words...not good. Talk about emotional roller coaster! From weeping when Owen choked on his own puke (I swear, I turned for a second and then looked at this sweet little boy all in distress and choking...he's fine, I on the other hand just rocked him and bawled after he spit up some junk from his tummy), to being outrageously angry about a personal issue, to bawling again when C came home from work. Baby blues anyone?


Owen was pretty good overall yesterday...a little fussy here and there, and was awake most of the day. After the choking incident, I didn't want to leave him so once C was at work...I stayed with him on the couch...all....day...


Queue exhaustion, and queue even more tears.


Thankfully, C took Owen for the entire evening, made me dinner and let me take care of whatever it was that I wanted to accomplish around the house that I hadn't gotten to since I didn't want to leave Owen's side.


I am happy to report that our laundry is done, partially folded and that our freezer is organized, milk properly stored in it's own little basket (though I need another...that basket is full! Yipee!!) and other things that were too large (like the yummy lasagna from Grandma Dale that is waiting to be baked for dinner one evening...mmmmm) are down in the big chest freezer in the basement. C cleaned the litter box, and then (after washing his hand of course) massaged my feet and ankles to help the fluid drain.


So what makes all of this worthwhile?


Snuggle time. Hands down.




Today's been much better, and is only going to get better from here on out. C's on his way home early from work, Owen and I spent the morning shopping for presents and breastfeeding shields that fit properly, and we're going over to Nagypapi and Nana's for a birthday/father's day dinner with Uncle B and Auntie S! They haven't met Owen yet, so both C and I are very excited to see them (plus we're celebrating Auntie S's bday!! And Nana's too! I'm so excited about their gifts!). Pictures tomorrow, and we may even have our first family picture!

Breastfeeding vs. Formula vs. Pumping

I'll give you fair warning here...I will be talking about boobs, two of them in particular that have taken on a life of their own since Sunday. I will also be discussing (nay...bitching) about the inconsistent messages that were given by some of the nurses at the mother-baby-wellness-centre we were recovering in last week. If you're not down with that, turn back now.

Everyone's first question, after getting the details about his height, weight etc. is always Are you breastfeeding?? y answer to this is one that I have been giving hesitantly, and one that I have received alot of....peer pressure I guess you could call it...about.

No. I am pumping and we are supplementing with formula until I have a good stock pile in the freezer that puts us at least a day ahead in terms of number of feedings.

You see, I have a very powerful sucker on my hands and it became incredibly clear while we were at hospital that breastfeeding fills me with alot of anxiety because he's so darn strong.

When he was first born, he latched super well and it didn't hurt to feed him for 15minutes per side. Well...I also had alot of drugs in me from the epidural, and was on an emotional high from ust delivering my son into this world. A few hours later, I noticed that his suck was super strong and wondered how it was all going to shake out.

The second day, we had some good breastfeeding sessions and some bad ones. The bad ones were largely at night, where he would fall asleep on the breast and be difficult to stimulate so it would take about 30+minutes per side to get a feeding done and there was one nurse (we didn't like her very much by the end) who insisted that I feed him once every two hours no matter what, and to do at least 20mins per side. At this point, my nipples were cracked and sore, and the nurses were telling me to tough it out and to only use the Lansinoh cream sparingly.

The second night was torture. Breastfeeding to me quickly came to mean a fussy baby, a stressed out mom and lots of tears. I barely slept at all, and poor C had to sit there and watch me cry and scream (literally...I screamed) when getting him latched.

Our favourite nurse, Sue, was concerned that my milk wasn't coming in. Really?? It'd only been a couple of days, and we're supplementing with formula to make sure his glucose levels are okay...so...what do you expect? These puppies are going to take a little bit of a break before they move from colostrum to liquid gold. She kept reassuring me that it would come in, and if I wanted to pump once I got home to avoid the anxiety and stress that I feel when he's feeding, then that would be a great alternative.

I still wanted to at least try to breastfeed once we were home, and the first session was great. Perhaps it was because I didn't have the bitchy regimented nurse looking over my shoulder, making me feel bad that I wasn't producing enough...yet, I don't know...but whatever it was, our first session was great. We had a few sessions that weren't so good, and a couple more that were allright, and then we were right back to me crying and wincing in pain when he started to suck and really get into a feeding session.

Where's the pump?? I resigned myself to the fact that this little boy who I love so dearly was far too strong for me in this particular, and very sensitive, area and that maybe giving the pump a go would be for the best.

Well...the pump is working out beautifully. The first day it was alot of colostrum, so we fed that directly to Owen instead of banking it, knowing that it is very important to his immune system. The second day went fantastic and it seemed that my milk was coming in slowly and the portion sizes would almost double with every pump.

Right now (even as I type!) I pump once every 2-3 hours, depending on what's going on, where we are and if Owen is feeding at the time. I find it relaxing, have control over the situation, and can then snuggle with Owen when he is hungry, rather than sit and cry that I'm not producing enough and feeling like a total failure.

To those out there who've judged me for this, I have nothing but horrible terrible things to say to you that I will not write here. Simply, you do not know how it feels and therefore could never relate to the pain of scabbed, bleeding nipples and feeling like a chew toy to a precious little boy.

To those mom's out there who may be struggling with this same thing or aren't quiet decided on if they want to breastfeed, I would highly recommend becoming an exclusive pumper like I did. It's so easy! I was doing 20minutes per side without issue a few days ago, and now that my milk is coming in more and more everyday, I am down to 10minutes as per my doctor's instructions.

While we are still supplementing with formula for the time being, C and I share the responsibility of feeding him, which is a huge help for me when I need to pump at 2:30am (aka...nowish) and is a great bonding tool for the boys. We both know that Owen is getting the nutrients that he needs, and is a very happy baby because he doesn't have parents who are stressing about this particular issue.

I am doing everything that I can to help my supply increase, and it seems to be at a steady 2oz. per pumping session at the moment. Owen eats about 2-3oz. per sitting right now, so while my supply is okay, it definitely cold be better and will get better with consistency and a few tricks like warm compresses, hydration and a balanced diet. Oh...and rest!

Which is where I should be headed off to now that I'm done my midnight-pumping session. So I will leave you with this...

A positive bond between mom and baby doesn't have to be established by breastfeeding. It is established when mom is happy and feels an incredible amount of love for her child, regardless of how they get fed. It is established when a baby has a full tummy and is happy when he (or she) looks up at their momma and smiles, giggles, toots and snuggles in for a nap. It is established out of love, not out of a routine or how a mom choose to feed their child.

Owen And The Doctor

Well...Owen had his very first doctor's appointment yesterday. As I write this, it's hard to believe that only a week ago we were at the hospital and I felt as though I was dying from the pain that I was in. And only about 10hours later...Owen was here!


Here are the specs!


Height - 21"...he's grown a whole 1/2" in the past week! Definitely gets that from his Dad's side of the family...all of the Szem's are super tall!


Weight - 8lbs1oz! We're back up to birth weight, which is amazing at only a week old! Apparently, babies aren't supposed to be back up to their birth weight until about 2weeks!


Head circumference - 36cm...that seems extraordinarily large to me!


We had a tonne of questions, and I think our doctor got a little giggle out of it we think.


When should we start tummy time?
Clearly not until he can support his head a little better...duh! What a silly question! I think we ust want to get the playmat out and play with him on the floor haha


Umbilical Cord Care?
We let it fall off, but is there anything we're supposed to do now? We've heard such conflicting things. Old school "clean with rubbing alcohol" and new school "leave it alone." We're leaving it alone.


Circumcision Care?
The site looks good, but do we need to continue with the Vaseline at every changing? Only for a day or two, and then he's good to go! It healed very fast! This kid must have his Dad's healing abilities!

He's hard to wake up throughout the day, wants to sleep all night, and is geting hard to wake up for feedings at night as well. What do we do?!
Nothing! Let him sleep! Since he's already back up to his birth weight, we've officially been given clearance from our doctor to let him sleep as long as he possibly wants to throughout the night. Last night...that meant a full 5 hours! Even though I got up at 2:30am to pump, it was still good for Owen and Daddy to get lots of sleep! We're to let him only sleep for a few hours at a time during the day, wake him every 3-4 if we have to for feedings, but if we let him sleep most of the night, he should be alert during the day. Well....he is! Bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning!


Hiccups and gas - this kid toots up a storm and hiccups about 4 times a day!
Since we're pumping and bottle feeding exclusively, he's taking in extra air...which is causing his tummy and diaphragm to expand. He's fine, no gripe water needed and it will pass in time.


Bathing - how often should we do this? Are we okay to sponge bath, or should we be getting him in his little tub?
Dr. Leslie answered this one...only every few days for a full sponge or tub bath...either are fine when he's so little and not crawling around getting super dirty. Other than that, wipe down his face, hands and bum everyday with a wet cloth.


The only other thing we discussed was my weight. Since I lost so much during the pregnancy with all of the morning sickness, I wasn't quite sure what that dreaded number on the scale would be.

Well! Let me tell you!! I've lost 11lbs in having Owen! Apparently, the weight comes off in thirds and it's the last third that is the hardest to lose.


1/3 baby
1/3 fluid
1/3 post-baby (aka...all of the hot fudge sundaes and slushies and NERDS I indulged in)


I definitely haven't lost the fluid weight yet, my feet could tell you that, but I found it really exciting, and incredibly encouraging, to know that even with boobs the size of the Rockies and heavy like 30lb weights, I am down 11lbs. on the scale and weigh 2lbs less than when C and I got married nearly 2 years ago. Thank you Owen, mommy loves her new figure (and flat tummy!!).


Here we are!






Oh my favourite jeans...so saggy in the tush! I have a lack-there-of for the very first time in my life!

The Many Expressions of Owen

We certainly have come a long way in the expression department!! Owen is only a week old, but loves to show us his many faces and expressions...

Sleeping sweetly and snuggling his blanket in the hospital

Completely exhausted...*sigh* such a hard life

The fat bottom lip that I am completely in love with...how could you not be!!??

Every day brings a new first...and we are a little family who celebrates every success, no matter how big or small.

The first night he slept...actually slept...was Saturday night. After we figured out that he loves his carseat, I don't think there is any going back! He also loves his crib, so it will be in the near future that he is sleeping in his own room. This thought is both exciting and terrifying!

The first smiles have happened, and are always fleeting to the point where I can't find a camera. I know that he's probably just trying to pass gas, but I love it just the same!

We had our first outing on Father's Day. A big 'ol trip to Walmart and Golftown. First and foremost, the Quinny Zapp handles likes a dream!! I am VERY happy with our stroller! He is an excellent traveller, which is very exciting for us since we have some trips planned for the summer and fall!

Yesterday, his umbilical cord clamp fell off! Grandma Dale and I were on the deck chatting and giving Owen some fresh air, and wouldn't you know....it dropped right out of his little onesie?! So neat and yet gross all at the same time.

Our first dinner out...which he slept through completely! Boston Pizza with Godmomma and her son T, who met the big Odog yesterday for the first time. It was a highly anticipated event, which I missed since I was pumping, but all the same...I am very glad that the boys met! Oh the mischief they will get into...

And today...Owen's first doctor's appointment! I am very excited to see how much he (and I!) weigh, and ask silly ridiculous questions about newborns of our doctor. He's not going to know what hit him...other than two parents who are madly in love with their son!

This Is A Long One, Folks...

I know, I know...you're all waiting with baited breath to find out where the heck we've been and what we've been up to lately.


Three words.



Owen Andrew David
8lbs 1oz
20.5 cm
dark borwn hair and big dark green eyes (that are dark blue right now...we'll see how they turn out at the end of the week!)


That's right! Our little boy made his arrival on June 16th at 6:52pm. Here's how it happened...


At around 5:45am, I felt a gush. I mean the gush. I waited for a moment, not rally believing that it had happened, and then the contractions started coming fast and furious at 5...3...1 minute intervals.


Okay C, time to get out of bed!!! C grabbed a very quick shower, I got dressed and we said goodbye to the furbabies and hopped in the car. By the time we got there, it was about 6:30, and I was in a fair amount of pain. Knowing that I was already 4cm dilated...there was no way I was leaving that hospital without a baby.


The lovely night nurses got me into triage immediately, and quickly found that things were progressing very quickly. Time to call the doctor and get things sorted out for the day.


Unfortunately, there weren't any of birthing suites available when we got there, so we spent our day in a labour room, which suited our purposes fine in my opinion.


By about 8am, I was begging for an epidural. Please dear God, someone make this pain go away!! They ordered the epi, and by 10am I was able to get some rest. Our dr. checked on us frequently, C watched almost the entire season 3 of LOST and I slept alot, which in hindsight was the best idea I had all day (next to getting the epi in the first place!).


Dilation seemed to slow and at noon, I had halted at 5-6cm. The nurses were considering my options...push oxytocin? Let things happen as they should? Call the doctor for alternatives? What would mommy like to do? Sleep...please let me sleep!


They did, and when our doctor came in to check on me at around 2pm, I was 9cm! HOLY CROW! He said that he would be back at around 3:30pm and would check to see if there was further progress. Well....10cm is as much progress as you can get! He had to go back to the office to see some patients, but left instructions to have me start pushing at around 4pm. Well...4pm came and the nurses thought that I could use more sleep and since I was already fully dilated, what would another hour and a half of sleep matter? I LOVED my nurses!


5:30pm came, and they had me try a couple of practice pushes. They wanted to coach me through it since...well....I was totally numb from the epi and couldn't feel a darn thing! They wanted me to feel the pressure, so they turned the epi down (NO!!!!) and had me do a few pushes. Well...Owen started to crown almost immediately and I heard Nurse Cathy say "how much notice does the doctor need??" in the hallway. "Oh, can you call him please?" Apparently, 6pm signaled go time!


By 6:20, our doctor had arrived at the hospital and I had pushed so much that there really wasn't a whole lot left to do. About 5 or 6 good pushes and Owen was here!


Now comes the scary part...


Originally, I asked for him to be placed on me and dried off on my tummy so I could say hello. I was a little confused when they whisked him out of the room, but with everything going on I didn't really ask what was up. I still had to be stitched and whatnot, so I figured that they were doing their 15-point baby inspection in another room


Am I ever glad that C went with the nurses right away. Apparently, poor little Owen was having trouble breathing and his heart rate dropped to the low 60's. He had to be resuscitated and stimulated...and after 3-5 very very long scary minutes, he let out a great big cry. The Peid's team was called, and they inspected his every inch, then brought him to see me.


This was our first meeting...






So tired, and so happy!


I think C fell in love pretty much immediately as well!





After he was born, he had to be checked before every feeding for his glucose levels. Because of all of the stress that he was under, he scored pretty low on the Agspar scale, so the Peid's team was keeping a very close eye on him. We needed 3 checks over 3 all in a row, and by the wee hours on Friday morning we had our third check over 3...it was a 4.7! Way to go, Owen!


We came home on Friday at around 1:30pm after his hearing had been checked, and had a really up and down first night at home. Breastfeeding was not going well, the nurses were concerned when we left that I wasn't producing enough (he latches hard and wants to feed for a very long time...and I can't do it. It's painful, and is a topic for a whole other post!) so we were supplementing with formula, but he wouldn't sleep the first night! Little bits here and there, and eventually, he slept in bed on me and I was able to get a little bit of rest here and there.


Last night was an amazing night. He wasn't liking the bassinet, AT ALL, so we figured that we'd try a swaddling blanket (which is too big right now), rocking, sitting, standing...anything to get a few hours of sleep. However...I remembered a tip from my cousin S...the car seat.


HE LOVES IT! He loves being in it and tightly confined. He loves being able to kick his little feet out a whole bunch. He loves being rocked in it when he's a tad bit fussy. C brought him to bed at about 12:30 after a mini-feed, which I finished at 1am...and Owen slept until 4! Not just Owen, but C and I slept too!! He fed again for 10-15 minutes at 4am, then slept straight through to 7:20! Again...C and I slept, though I brought Owen into bed for a little Father's Day morning snuggle. We all slept until about 9:30 this morning!


We're getting the hang of it, and definitely celebrating those little successes that happen throughout the day. C is an amazing Daddy, and it fills me with so much love and pride to see him with Owen.


Though I probably won't blog as often, I will still blog and let you know what we're up to, what challenges we face and how our lives are going. I feel like they've only now begun, and I get to see them through the most beautiful eyes I've ever know.


The eyes of a mom.

Induction Plans

Yes folks, we're headed for an induction.

After a night of contractions...yes...more contractions...I called the doctor's office promptly at 9am. The contractions were every ten minutes on the ten from 1:30am until 11:00am. Neither C nor I slept a wink...and I still haven't managed to even nap.

I explained to the receptionist what was going on, and she booked me in for 4:00 this afternoon. Score...I should be able to nap right? Nope...I tried and tried but I think I was so wired from all of the contractions, start and stop, and worried that the stress on my body was going to cause Bug harm.

Off to the doctor's we go, and we met Dr. Kwan who is taking over for Dr. Leslie this week as she's on vacation. The rundown...


Weight - hasn't changed since Friday...haha not that I was expecting it to

Fetal Heart Rate - 131bpm...a little slower, but still safe

Fundus measurement - 40cm...no growth since Friday


Then we were told that our OB was on call until 5, so if we didn't mind waiting...to sit tight because he's been paged and would like to come in and see us immediately. Thank Goodness!! Someone is finally taking this seriously with (for?) me. They gave me an extra pillow, said that I looked exhausted and told me to have a nap while I waited. How thoughtful!

Knock, knock, knock at the door and it was Dr. Jordan. He sat down, and I started to explain about the back pain from Saturday and the contractions, then C interrupted me and told the doctor that I was downplaying everything. Bless his heart for stepping up to the plate and really going to bat for me.

A few minutes later, and it was determined that I am fully effaced (that we already knew...) and 4cm dilated! That's almost halfway to having a baby!! He was very happy with our progress, and was happy to call delivery to book our induction...for Father's Day! I'm the first on the list, so we should be at the hospital and whatnot by noon! NOON!

We talked about C and my concern for the stress that all of this might be putting on Bug, and Dr. Jordan booked us in on Thursday for a Non-Stress Test to make sure everything's allright. If he passes, then it's straight on to Sunday (unless my water breaks before then). If not...then we stay in the hospital, and have a baby! The sooner the better, but we obviously hope that everything's okay with our Bug and that he passes the NST with flying colours.

I was also given a prescription for Tylenol 2, should the back pain get like it did on Saturday night. I'm only going to have C run out to fill it if it flares up and other comfort measures like ice and the yoga ball don't work next time around.

It's the final countdown, Bug! You've been evicted, little one!!

Was Ironman2 Any Good?

I'm not sure...you'd have to ask someone who wasn't having contractions and crushing her husband's hand every 10 minutes!

Last night's date night started off fantastically. Dinner at Boston Pizza and then off to the movies. It was funny when we couldn't figure out what movie we saw in theatres last...Transformers2 maybe? Wow...that was last summer!

I was so excited to go to the movies...and made sure to get an aisle seat on the off chance that Bug nudged my bladder.

Pretty much as soon as the previews started, the contractions and back pain started. It's okay...nothing out of the ordinary...let C know to time them in case they get down under 10 minutes. The first couple were more like Braxton Hicks than anything else, so it wasn't too bad. Trying to be funny, C leaned over and said "Honey...I paid $23 for these tickets..." har har...always the funny guy!

Then a few later and the pain was shooting in my back. Go time? I don't know...but I all but crushed C's hand in the process of having these back contractions. The pain was constant and would sear during a uterine contraction...which were coming every 10-15 minutes.

By the end of the movie, which we'll have to rent once it comes out on DVD since I don't remember most of the key points (I think it was good??), I was sitting there in tears because I couldn't even stand up. C helped me and suggested that we go home, try a half an hour with ice on my back and tailbone (I could feel Bug bash against my pelvic bones and really tear something up in there), and get on all fours over my yoga ball.

I cried the entire way home, which probably didn't make things any better but it was a good emotional release for me, and needed help up the stairs. Once I was over the ball, the pain immediately got worse and I was to the point where I couldn't breathe or focus on anything but the pain. I couldn't feel the ice on my back, it hurt for C to rub or put counter pressure there (I actually screamed at him to stop touching my back, between sobs), and rocking on my hands and knees was not helping in the slightest. I was screaming at the top of my lungs and crying harder than I have in a very long time.

C called into L&D to see what we should do...is the baby coming? Is all of the tailbone/back pain worth trying to manage at home or should we get in? 3cm dilated with a posterior baby? I certainly was (am....) worried that the stress on my body is too much at this point, and I fear for the safety of my baby. He conveyed all of that to the nurse he spoke with at around 11pm, and was told that unless my uterine contractions were 3-5 minutes apart, they would give me something to take the edge off the pain, but would send me home.

What about the posterior position? What about my concern for the safety of my child? What about the stress on my body? According to C, the nurse brushed all of that off and was rather cold about the entire situation.

I really wish that people would realize that every pregnancy is different...there is no textbook answer about how things will happen...only how they should happen.

I was so exhausted and still in pain, and knowing that L&D wouldn't do anything and feeling very much an inconvenience to them, I went to bed. Every time I rolled over, I had a strong contraction and clutched my belly. However, they weren't regular enough to do anything about according to the powers that be.

Today has been another day of off and on strong contractions, and constant back pain that spreads down into my tailbone. I puttered in the gardens to distract myself a little and we had a nice dinner with C's parents. The back pain is constant, and I can't help but think that the pain, pressure and stress that my body is under right now is putting stress on the baby. It scares me.

What if it turns into a complication? What if there is a reason why he's turned posterior, like his head is too big to get into the birth canal or break my water? What if he's under so much stress that he's not okay?

That being said, I've decided that enough is enough, and I'm calling the doctor in the morning. I can't take this anymore...my body has suffered too much and it's not worth risking the safety and health of my baby. I'm hopeful that they'll at least move my appointment to earlier in the week, though getting in tomorrow to figure out induction and whatnot is the primary goal. It's pretty clear at this point that my body can't get into an active labour pattern on its own and needs some assistance...and that I need some pain medication to get me through this.

Some things in life are worth risking...this isn't one of them.

Another Week?! Seriously?!

Wow, not cool....not cool at all!

Here's the rundown from today's appointment...which apparently won't be our last but I'll get into that in a moment.


Fetal Heart Rate - holding strong at 144bpm

Weight - no change from last week! Yahoo! I weighed this two years ago when we got home from our cruise!

Blood Pressure - 100/60...well that's more like it! Whew, I must have just been stressed last week

Height of Fundus - 40cm

Dilation - 3cm

Effacement - full!

Bug's Head Station - minus3, still a ways to go and not being helped with the posterior position!


So, what does this all mean for us? Well...it means that all of these contractions and back pain have put me into labour...but not active enough to be sent to the hospital. However...it means that labour should be quick since my body is doing so much work now...it'll have less to do later! Apparently most women go into the hospital and are rarely dilated to 1cm...so knowing that I'm close to 4cm is encouraging.

Again, our doctor flipped back to the EDD of the 13th, disregarding all of the emotional, mental and physical toll it's had on my body, and said that he wouldn't set an induction date until next week. We asked about the bulging membranes that he felt on Monday, and he said that they aren't bulging now too much, so while he is still expecting them to burst on their own, he thinks that he likely examined me during a contraction.

We have an appointment for next Friday at 9am, and even though our doctor isn't expecting we will make it to then....both C and I expect that we will. With Bug being posterior, it's highly unlikely that I will experience regular contractions however the pain may get unbearable enough that it sends us to the hospital in the next few days.

We shall see, I suppose. Apparently, if we make it to our appointment next Friday...we will be induced next weekend. Not really the news I was looking for, but hey...there's an end in sight and that's got to count for something, right?

Right....?

11:15 Cannot Come Soon Enough

It's still an hour away before C picks me up for our very last doctor's appointment. The appointment that will determine whether we get sent to the hospital to have a baby (today!) or if we need to finalize the details of my induction. Either way...it's out last one!

You hear that, Bug?! Our last one!!

This week has been....interesting and full of mixed emotions for sure. From panic on the way to the hospital to feeling nervous while waiting for our doctor....from screaming in pain and feeling hopelessly defeated to feeling excited that we're going to experience the absolute best thing in the world: becoming parents...to an outside baby!

The contractions that started at 4am on Wednesday haven't gone away, the pressure has gotten much more intense and I'd be lying if I didn't admit to texting C yesterday something to the effect of the doctor needs to make this stop.

It's been a week of lasts...the last time my two best friends will see me with a baby in my belly, the last softball game that we'll go to without a stroller in tow, the last Stanley Cup final without a little giggling baby boy cheering with his Daddy!

Now onto a week of firsts! The first changings, feedings, snuggles and smiles. The first visits to the office and first naps on the couch when I'm too exhausted to move. The first lullabies. The first time I get to look at C with the most insane amount of adoration while he holds our son for the very first time. His first Father's Day...

I told you it's been an emotional week!! Why would today be any different!

With that, I leave you with my last belly picture! LAST!! Ahh!

Posterior Problems

Well...yesterday was an interesting one. As we draw this journey to a close, it definitely isn't getting any easier. It was a day spent siting, standing, walking, pacing, swaying, rocking on my yoga ball, rolling my hips, on all fours, squatting, lying....

Nothing helped. Seriously. NOTHING helped the back pain, other than some ice here and there. The back pain was present all day, and still is, and would get worse with each irregular and mild contraction. The contractions have been present since 4am yesterday morning, and are about every 10-20minutes but aren't quiet strong enough to send me to the hospital, or to break my water.

Our plan is to wait it out until tomorrow, and to discuss our induction options with our doctor. We really don't have any other option at this point to be honest with you, and if that is the safest way to bring Bug into this world...that's okay with me.

After doing some reading last night about posterior babies, it was interesting to find out that those who have posterior babies end up with alot more back pain, need pitocin more often than not to start regular contractions, and end up with more c-sections than babies who are positioned another way. We're still hopeful that he'll turn on his own, though I am not sure that he can get down much lower...the pressure is crazy at this point!

We're feeling pretty confident that my water will have to be broken, and perhaps that will happen tomorrow either spontaneously during an internal exam, or with the doctor's help. Ideally, if we're talking induction, I'd like it to happen as soon as possible as all of the stress on my body isn't worth stressing out Bug. The longer this goes on isn't necessarily the better at this point. He's fully grown, and needs a little help in making his arrival.

Until tomorrow though....we have softball tonight and I am SO excited!! Godmomma and MommaT are coming up with their kiddos T and O to watch softball with me!! It's really surreal to know that this will be the last time that I will see my two very best friends with a baby in my belly...next time...they'll be seeing me in a hospital!! And holding my baby! AHH!!

The Poor Postman

I mentioned last week I think on Friday's entry about how the doorbell rang while I was crouched on the stairs, having contractions and screaming bloody murder. Well...that person was the Postman and I'm hoping that I didn't scare him too much!

Thankfully, he (or I guess it could have been a she! Shame on me!!) left the package at the front door and after the contractions slowed down, I went to check.

Wahoo!! Presents!!

Brown paper packages from C's family in Conneticut!! The FamilySzem that we absolutely adore sent us some really super cute clothes for Bug!

Up close...SO perfect for a family of tennis champs and golf stars!

We'd like to send a BIG thank-you to Auntie Debbie, Uncle Peter, Steve, Scott and Mike!! Your gifts are very much appreciated! Hopefully we'll get to see you all in the fall (or sooner!) and you can meet this stubborn little boy!

A New Poll

So folks...do you think I'm going to need to be induced??

I'm definitely still contracting, but they aren't getting regular or any more intense than they were yesterday when we were at the hospital. The pressure is getting a little more intense, but I don't think we're quiet to the point of breakage yet. I'm still drinking the disgusting Raspberry Tea, and it's helping the contractions come a little more regularly, and Im still stretching out my hips by rocking and rolling on my yoga ball. I'm hesitant to do much while C's at work...what if my water actually breaks and I start labouring hard all on my own!?

What do you think? Do you think we're going to get to our Friday appointment and have to choose an induction date?

To be totally honest with you, I will be shocked if my water breaks all on its own. Getting into active labour has definitely been a pain in the piriformis, so I highly doubt that I am going to spontaneously burst. A very big part of me is planning to make it to Friday, at which point I figure there's no harm in asking the doctor if he'll break my water right there in the office, and then we'll have a short 10 minute drive to the hospital and we can get this show on the road!

Being Sent Home Isn't So Bad...

...when you're going home with the knowledge that your baby is well on his way to being here!


Last night was pretty terrible, I'm not going to lie. I was up every hour on the hour due to contractions that were strong enough to wake me up, and due to the constant leaking feeling that seems to unfortunately have become the norm lately.

I even tried doing some kick counting, and when it got to the point where I hadn't felt him move barely at all in 12 hours...I started to worry. Why was my back sore? Why did everything hurt every time I rolled over? Why were the contractions becoming regular, but the pain manageable?

So...at around 8am, I thought it best to call Triage like Dr. Leslie recommended at our appointment on Friday.

Sure enough, when I told them about my blood pressure from Friday, fluid leakage and the contractions that have been irregular but some strong enough to make me scream...they told me to come in and get assessed.

Off we went, and panic set in. What if this is it? I started to cry in the car, and while it was comforting to have C beside me and holding my hand, all I could think was "holy crap...I'm going to have a baby..." I got very nervous, very fast!

The nurse who saw us initially was fantastic! She hooked me up to the monitor to do a Non-Stress Test, and after very little fetal movement, I got to choose between gingerale and apple juice to get him going. It was pretty funny because as soon as that was offered, he started squirming...and I started having contractions that were strong enough to show up on the monitor, but not strong enough or regular enough to send me into full fledged labour.

They called Dr. Jordan, and he asked that I be kept until around noon and that they send me for a walk for an hour...then have Bug's heart rate monitored...then walk for another hour. The walking seemed to bring on more and more low pelvic sharp pains and a few big contractions.

Once Dr. Jordan got there, I'd had maybe 6 or so big contractions, and the low sharp pains were happening every 5 or so minutes, though weren't strong enough to be considered real contractions. He did confirm more dilation with an internal exam, though the fluid leakage wasn't my water breaking...

However...it appears that my water is going to break very soon. He stretched my cervix a little bit further to see how things were going with the membranes and he said that he would be very surprised if he didn't see me back in a couple of days time, with labour and delivery being incredibly imminent, and that he expects a rather large flood of fluid rather than a trickle here or there since the amniotic sac is pulsating like crazy. He advised that I have 2:1 odds of going in with water breaking:regular contractions. Those are pretty darn good odds...however it now means that I'm banned from C's recliner and now have the pleasure of sitting on towels everywhere around the house!

If...and that's a very big if says Dr. Jordan...we make it to our appointment on Friday, we're going to be picking an induction date for as early as possible next week, or perhaps on the weekend. He knows that I've had enough, and with Bug being so cramped and whatnot, it's not a healthy enmironment for him to stay in much longer.

So...being sent home isn't so bad, when you know that this time next week, your baby will be here!

Self-Induction Saturday

Well...I think both C and I are at the point where we're taking matters into our own hands.

Being the lovely husband that he is, he booked me a prenatal massage at my favourite spa yesterday afternoon. All I can say is that Wendy, the rmt, was brilliant. I explained that I've been in going back and forth between early and active labour for a few weeks now, am due any day now and that I would like to focus on any pressure points that may help things along. I wanted to make sure that she knew that labour is rather imminent and that she wasn't going to freak out or panic.

She was fabulous! Before I went, I asked Godmomma what areas I should have worked on (she's also an rmt) and she suggested my piriformis. I felt so smart saying that to Wendy...hahaha. I also asked for my hips and lower back to be loosened up since everything is stretching so far forward these days, I'm constantly in pain.

She did my back while I was sitting on a stool, sort of hunched over the massage table. I thought the position was a little weird at first, but honestly...with all of that weight out front, it felt so great to let my belly just hang there, and I didn't have to worry about flipping over, trying to get more comfortable. She explained that she preferred that position for her pregnant clients (she's treating 4 momma-to-be's right now!) because she can get at the muscles a little easier and use more pressure etc. It was fantastic.

Then came the piriformis...oh gosh...holy exposure! MommaT also suggested getting this worked on, and actually went into labour the same day...and at this point I am willing to try anything. It felt absolutely amazing! Apparently, my piriformis (I think I just like the word at this point...piriformis, piriformis, piriformis) is pretty loose! She finished off my hamstrings and calves, ankles and feet, then I flipped over onto my back and she did some hip opening mobility stretches and suggested that I spend some time on my yoga ball in the evening.

It's a very strange feeling to have your bum being massaged while you feel a baby inside you wiggle down and the muscles around your hips and belly start to loosen! Strange, but productive!

I convinced C to take me out for dinner last night.

But honey, it could be our last date night!

Spicy spring rolls and fajita's....then we went for a walk once we got home. The contractions started coming about halfway through dinner, and though they were growing in intensity, there was absolutely no pattern to them at all. They continued more regularly throughout our walk, but seemed to shorten in their length and the intensity was more like cramping than a good swift contraction.

Okay...where's the yoga ball? We got home and threw LOST on while I rocked on the yoga ball and had a few more stronger contractions. Perhaps this will work!

Nope...I resigned myself to the fact that it wasn't going to happen last night, and threw in the towel at around 11pm. I figured that if true contractions were to come on, even sleep wouldn't keep them at bay so I might as well try to relax and get some rest.

Bug's movements have definitely slowed down, to the point of panic this morning, and my belly is very tight and sore today. I think we'll try some raspberry leaf tea today, another walk, and maybe some spicy foods....

Fingers crossed!

Plan? What Plan?

I honestly can't even think straight right now...I'm just that upset with how things went at the doctor's.



The lame-o rundown....



Weight - +1lb from last week...so I've gained 1lb in two weeks



Bug's measurement - 39.5cm from crown to rump



Fetal heart rate - 142 bpm



Momma's Blood Pressure - 98/80


The upsetting part was that Dr. Jordan wasn't there today, so Dr. Mok had to fly solo. The internal didn't go too well...it seemed to definitely take a lot longer than it had the past two weeks. She said that she thinks I'm as dilated as I was last week, around 3cm and that the cervix is really soft still.


We asked about the stretch&sweep, told her about the fluid leakage that I had today (a slight gush actually), the contractions and ridiculous pain from yesterday and that mentally and physically, I can't do this anymore.


First and foremost, she didn't know what a stretch&sweep was. I explained that it was the stripping of the membranes, and she looked at my chart, said that I'm only 39wks to the June13th EDD and that it wasn't something to consider yet.


We expressed concern over my blood pressure, and while she agreed that it was "weird", didn't express any concern over it. Hmmm....ok?


We expressed concern over my mental state and the physical toll it's taken on my body. I actually sat there and cried...and not crocodile tears either...real honest-to-goodness tears. Partially due to the fact that lying on the table hurt, my belly is stretched to the max and I was having contractions while I was there. She patted my leg and told me to hang in there.


We expressed concern over the fact that I don't think my body is going to naturally contract in a regular pattern, down to 5 minute intervals like it should to get labour going. She said that if we are concerned with how things are going, or feel that the pain is too much to handle, or if we're concerned about the leakage that we should call Triage and see if they want us to be assessed.


I am really put off by how things went today. You would think that at 40wks pregnant (to how Bug is measuring), that the doctor would discuss induction options. That at 40 wks pregnant, with 3cm dilation and full effacement, that stretching the cervix wouldn't be an issue.


You would think...or at least I would.

So now, I think the only plan that we have is to judge the pain accordingly and when it gets too much to handle...get our butts into Labour&Delivery.

The other plan involves copious amounts of ice cream and season 3 of LOST...

A Long Day...and Night

Well...the end is near, friends and family. Perhaps within the next 24 hours even...


Yesterday was a terrible...horrible....no-good day. What started out as an "I'm sore and whiney" day, ended up as an "oh my God! make it stop!" day.


The contractions started around noon, coupled with intense back pain and a severely decreased appetite. By 3pm, the contractions were irregular but my belly was tight...all. of. the. time. It was such a strange feeling, like one big long contraction that wouldn't go away.

It definitely got to the point where it felt Bug was going to make his arrival mid-afternoon, and the thought of doing it all alone was enough to send me into full fledged panic. With tears streaming down my face, and blackberry in hand to text with C, I was crouched over the stairs as the door bell rang. The poor mailman probably thought someone was being murdered inside as I was screaming!

Things seemed to peter off, and C and I decided that there's really no point in timing actual contractions anymore. They're happening at an infrequent rate, and we both have a feeling that until my water breaks...they aren't going to come as fast as our doctor or What To Expect When Expecting say is normal.

From then on in, we decided to pay more attention to the pain...which hasn't let up since I woke up yesterday morning. I had a brief two hours last night where I felt all right...or at least better, and thankfully was able to enjoy So You Think You Can Dance, along with cheese and crackers for dinner. It's so sad to not want to eat at all when your husband is enjoying a steak, corn and spinach salad beside you. *sigh*

C went to play indoor beach volleyball (after a 5km run! Go, C!) last night when I headed to bed...and the pain got worse by about 11pm, thankfully right when he was on his way home. When he got home, I was writhing in pain and wondering "okay...so is this when we're supposed to go to the hospital?!". He had a quick shower, and by the end of it I was sitting up in bed about ready to throw up, crying and screaming. Ya....I think maybe we should get ready to go?

Again...they petered off when he started to rub my back...and I was actually able to fall asleep. I tossed and turned a few times, knowing it would hurt, but was at least able to get some rest.

This morning is no better, and my plan is to stay as comfortable as possible until our appointment at 1:30pm. I read up about induction at our hospital and their policies (thankfully, everything's online!) yesterday, and it appears that the next step in this process for me is membrane stripping. Since I've already dilated and am effaced, we will probably get to skip the first step of cervix ripening, and labour should occur within 24 hours of having the membranes stripped...should.

And there's always the possibility that they do an internal exam today, and send us directly to the hospital to have a baby. I'm not holding my breath for that one, though it would be nice!

Either way, I'm not leaving the doctor's today without a plan set in stone and some assistance to get this going.

We will keep you all posted!

To Induce or Not To Induce...

That shall be the question tomorrow at our doctor's appointment.

After a full week of contractions, some severe enough for tears and others more up in the Braxton Hicks range, I woke up this morning with a very odd feeling...one that hasn't been there before. It literally felt like someone had spent the night punching and kicking my belly. Yes, I know that there's a baby in there who likely was doing the damage, however this felt different than baby-kicks.

Everything is tight and sore...his movements are slow and not super strong...I just feel funny overall.

And yet, in the back of my mind all I can think is "why would today be any different than the rest?!"

I feel so defeated at this point.

Tomorrow afternoon we have our weekly appointment with Dr. Leslie and Dr. Jordan, and I will be asking about an induction date as well as a stretch&sweep. In fact, I don't think that I will leave without one or both of those issues being tackled.

Until then....here is my overly tired....overly pregnant...picture for this week. Perhaps our last one, but...since I feel like this is going to go on forever...it's probably just another one for the book.



I never thought I would be one of those girls that asks about induction, or reads up on the process of it to prepare themselves for the inevitable. I guess there's only so much one person can handle.

An Overactive Imagination

They say that your dreams are crazy insane when you're pregnant. Who "they" are, I will never know, but it certainly doesn't help that I had an overactive imagination prior to getting pregnant.

These dreams are just crazy!

The most frequent involves C...and his lack of want to be a Dad (which as you all know...is completely not the case - something I am incredibly thankful for) or his want to leave me behind. I guess you could tally it all up to my own insecurities becoming a new mom, not knowing what to do (where's that manual that these kids are supposed to come with???), how my body will look after this baby and all that comes with it is removed...

There have been many a morning where I wake up all pouty and needy, or angry as a mad-hatter, and C has to suffer the consequences, and although it hasn't happened in quite some time, this morning was no different.

After being startled awake by his alarm at 7:20am, I realized that I was having the most ridiculous dream wherein C was off gallivanting and drinking at this rather large party and apparently took a liking to some blonde. Ahh! In all of my 9 months pregnant glory in the dream, I tried to call him...only to get his voicemail that stated very matter-of-factly that he was not interested in raising a child.

Shock and panic ran through my veins, especially since I couldn't hear the shower or see a light on in the bathroom. Where was he?!

I must have pressed the snooze button and fell back into the dream, as the voicemail seemed to go on forever. I woke up to C running out of the bathroom, shaving cream all over his lovely face saying "sorry honey!! I thought I turned my alarm off!!!"

Talk about a sigh of relief! He didn't leave! (was I really expecting him to...?)

I told him about my dream, he gave me a hug and he reassured me that he wasn't going anywhere...he doesn't even like blondes! Gee, C...thanks for the support!

Happy Birthday, Maggie Mae!

In amongst my anger this morning, I completely forgot what the date is...I'm such a bad mom!

Happy 8th birthday to my snuggle bug, Maggie Mae!

All she wanted to do since I've been home shortly after lunch is snuggle...and well...my nerves are shot so everything that she's going is annoying the crap out of me! Sorry, sugar pie but momma is irritated today!

She did manage to sneak in some snuggle time with Bug when I wasn't paying attention...*sigh* gotta love her

I'm Done

Do you hear me? Done. D. O. N. E. DONE!

Finis. Finito. Kaput. DONE!

Last night we had another 3 hour contraction session from 8:00pm until shortly after 11:00pm. What started out as mild cramping, about 20-30minutes apart grew to strong contractions that made me cry every 6-7minutes...some even down to 5...and a few 2-3minutes apart.

We were geared and ready to go...and then they stopped shortly after 11:00ish. Had it not been raining, I would have gone for a walk, and certainly that would have progressed things as it usually does (I get alot of low cramping while walking), but alas....I didn't want to get soaked by the rain and hailstorm that was upon us.

I was able to get some sleep last night and I think C was able to as well. I had a few more between 11:00 and midnight, but nothing severe enough to mosey to the hospital.
Fast forward to this morning, and I have been cramping and in off-and-on tears since about 8:00am. I dropped C off at work, went and ran my errands and took myself for lunch. Well...now I feel like a bag of crap. Between the sharp low pains and the all over tightness....add in the nausea and dizziness....ugh.

As I am so often reminded by everyone around us, the end is near and I can definitely see the horizon. I think I might scream if I hear “hang in there” or “you’re going to miss being pregnant” or even “relax, you’re still a week away from the first due date that you were given.” Yes yes folks, I’m that pregnant lady...the irate one! I can’t take much more of this! I am at the end of my rope...and cry at the thought of this lasting much longer.

Bug – listen to me.... Get out or you’re going to be grounded, for a very long time! This start and stop labour is crap and it is not a place I like to be in! Your Daddy and I would very much like to meet you, and snuggle you, and bring you home...so stop playing around!