Earlier this week, probably at one of the points of my day where I thought blogging impossible due to a fussy baby, I asked C to write a blog entry. Anything about being a Dad, what he's experienced in the past three weeks, and how our lives have changed...but from his perspective.
Well, here it is. And...it's quite interesting
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I’ve been asked to pen my thoughts on being a new Dad. And to be honest, if I had any, I’d be happy to share them with you. Three weeks have gone by since the O-Dog came into our world, and it feels like it was 10 minutes ago. Or it feels like it was 3 years ago. I can’t tell the difference.
That’s what I mean when I say that I’d be happy to share my thoughts – if I knew what they were. I can’t stand reading buzzwords and catchphrases, so I’m not going to say “this whole thing has been a whirlwind/blur” or “what a wonderful journey we’re on!”. The truth is that it’s hard, man. This whole thing is hard. I know that it’s worth it, and the moments when he smiles at you, or makes a silly face, or farts when you’re changing him DO make it worthwhile – don’t get me wrong. And my mind races to all the cool/amazing things I’m going to teach him/share with him over the next many years. I want him to be 2 so he’s walking and talking. I want him to be 4 so we can take him to Disney World. I want him to be 6 so he and I can sneak out golfing when Mom’s napping. These wonderful thoughts bounce around my head. And it makes it all worth it – every single second. But it’s hard.
I am absolutely exhausted. My system is rocked and completely thrown off. It’s affecting my work, my mood, my ability to exercise – my whole life. And let’s be honest, I’ve got it easy. I’m not the one whose body has just gone through the insane process of cultivating a human for 9+ months, nor am I the one whose body had to then extricate said-human from itself. Add to that, I’m not the one who spends virtually every waking (and most “sleeping”) moments with our son, nor am I the one charged with the role of meal-producer. I get an 8-hour reprieve from “Dad-duty” every day to go to work. I hold a bottle in the middle of the night while half awake/asleep and then sloppily change a diaper before going back to bed. I’ve got it easy. And (as mentioned) I am absolutely exhausted.
So let’s circle back and take some attention off the O-Dog for a second here. This entry is supposed to be about me, or at the very least my point of view, so I can only talk about the experience of trying to support a wife that is emotionally, and physically drained. As I mentioned, she’s got the short end of the stick in all of this. I simply cannot relate to the things she’s experiencing. What worries me the most is how it affects our interaction with one another. Last night we were flipping channels right before bed and stumbled on a re-run episode of “How I Met Your Mother”. In the episode, a “new Mom” was shown to be talking to one of the main characters and was just thankful to be having interaction with an adult outside of “He needs to be fed!” or “Can you get him to be quiet, please!” I had seen this episode before, and laughed at the segment. Last night, however, it certainly rang true. The character in the show was very much “on edge”, and no doubt that is how we are both feeling right now.
In the long run, I am supremely confident that the O-Dog’s arrival is going to be the greatest thing that S and I ever do, and will bring us – jointly – an amount of joy that I simply can’t quantify right now. Right now, however, finding a routine and a “system” that work for him AND us is proving to be elusive.
C
2 comments:
C, thanks so much for your honestly. D & I both felt we were very ready for A, our first, and he totally rocked our world. I can remember sobbing in my moments of exhaustion and wondering what we'd done, and I know D felt the same way at times. Right now for you & S, it's all about survival. It's hour to hour, day to day and soon you'll get glimpses of what the future is going to look like when he sleeps, eats & plays at predictable times. The learning curve for having a newborn is steep and I don't think anything can prepare you for how radically your life changes. I have no doubt that you and S will make it through this and that O is in very capable, loving hands. I know he's the focus right now b/c he has to be but try not to forget about the love that created him. Be gentle with each other, give each other space and you'll find that sooner than later you'll discover this 'new normal' you've created is pretty awesome.
Your too funny C!! I remember those first few weeks and your right it is extremely hard but so worth it in the end. I remember one night when Richard, "sloppily changed a diaper" in the middle of the night. We woke up to a screaming baby a few hours later because he had actually forgotten to put a diaper back on;) As long as you support each other and love your little one, you WILL find a routine that works for all of you even though you might not see it yet. The scary thing is that just once you think you've got it all figured out...your little one will up and change everything on you;) You feel sometimes like your life is on hold and I can still clearly remember the night we tried to get some sleep and Autumn just seemed to scream for hours. Richard, in all his humour, took out his recording headphones and suggested that I put them on while I walked the room with her. It is hard in the beginning but it WILL get better day by day. Just keep giving S the help and rest she needs, especially in the middle of the night, and you'll get through this;)
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