A Quickie

Just a short post today, since I'll be updating probably this evening as well.

The Lactation Consultant didn't stop over yesterday - apparently, she had double booked herself between a meeting and the home visit with me. I'm starting to get the impression that this isn't a very important issue to her and that feeling is absolutely horrible.

The fenugreek and blessed thistle are...well...I guess sustaining my poor milk supply. It hasn't increased at all, and actually the right breast is a horrible performer. While I can get almost a full ounce, if not a full ounce, out of the left...I struggle to get 20ml out of the right.

But we have a plan! I decided that even if my supply doesn't increase, as long as it doesn't decrease I will continue to pump for the next couple of months, exhausting as it is, so that Owen gets as much breastmilk as possible. Right now, he has 2-3 full feedings a day of breastmilk, and we typically only use the formula throughout the night since it helps him sleep longer...and therefore we sleep a little longer.

The Lactation Consultant is scheduled to stop by at 3pm this afternoon, and I have a slew of questions for her. I'm still not sure about getting Owen back on the breast, and know that she's going to push for that, so I'll have to be quite frank in my concerns and worries about it. My main concern is why my right is not producing as much as the left no matter how many hot compresses, showers, massages or supplements I take.

I'll report back this evening, after softball, about what she has to say.

Oh! And Notes From C will be back this week...his first edition since becoming a Dad!

Saturday Morning with Owen

I swore up and down that I wasn't going to be one of those parents who takes pictures of every cute little thing that their child does.

I swore that there would be no pictures of fingers and toes, bare bums and sleeping babies. I swore up and down that I would not be that parent.

Ya....okay....sure.

Then Saturday morning hit...Owen was on his new playmat testing it out, and was making the funniest little grunts ever, and kicking everything in sight! I took a video of it but it doesn't seem to want to upload. But, oh! I did take pictures too!

So, that's how we spent part of our long holiday weekend. Watching and marvelling in the silly little noises and things that Owen has started to do.

He's getting so strong and has noticeably grown in the past week or so. He is much more anitmated these days and loves to smile at C and I, and is still tooting up a storm. But he's pretty cute, and I think we'll keep him.

How cute is he? Well...you be the judge!

The Lactation Consultant Cometh

I have finally heard back from Gaetane, the lactation consultant and public health nurse who covers my area of the city.

The past few days have been...trying. Owen has had some very fussy moments, my emotions have been rather out of control, and C and I are trying to work together and remember that all 3 of us are still learning how to do this family and parenting thing.

I'd bee waiting since Monday evening to hear from Gaetane. When she didn't call by noon on Wednesday, I left her a friendly voicemail asking that she call me as soon as possible so that we could figure things out.

She called on Wednesday, in the early evening...while I was in the car, in traffic, with a screaming baby in the background who had just pooped for the first time in about 2.5 days and was not happy about waiting to have his diaper changed. I was frustrated and crying. Of course that's when she calls!

She left a voicemail with a few tips and pointers, but said that she would speak with me on Friday after the Canada Day holiday to get into more details about what I will need to do to increase my supply.

Last night, at around 9pm I think it was, she gave me a shout and these pointers.

Fenugrek
She had told me about this in the voicemail, so I'd been drinking this God awful tea since about Tuesday night that tastes like black licorice. Ew. Yuck. Gross. I told her that I'd been drinking the tea, and she said that it won't be effective enough unless I am going to drink tea and only tea all day long. Apparently, there is a health food store near my house that sells Fenugrek capsules. I will have to take 3 capsules at breakfast, lunch and dinner, for a total of 9 capsules per day.

Blessed Thistle
Now, I have no idea what this is, but Gaetane said that I will have to take this with the Fenugrek and that my milk supply will increase significantly within 72 hours. Again, 3 capsules at breakfast, lunch and dinner, for a total of 9 per day.

Yes...that's 18 capsules per day all together. Ugh.

Oatmeal
Apparently, for some reaosn, eating oatmeal everyday has been known to increase ilk supply. Not sure why, but at least it's a tasty whole grain option for breakfast. This one will be easy to work into the daily routine!

Double Breast Pump
She mentioned this in her voicemail as well. Currently, I am using the Medela MiniElectric...which isn't good enough to be exclusively pumping. I mean, it gets the ob done, but it's not effective as increasing supply, stimulating the letdown period in breastfeeding, or mimicking the massage of a newborns chin and suck.

The catch is that this double pump comes at a hefty price. C and I looked into renting a pump from Cheeky Monkey, and the cost for the next 6 months is roughly $630. To purchase the pump after rental, since it's hospital grade, is $2000. To purchase the commercial pump of the same brand is $235. Seems like a no brainer to us.

However, there are other places in the city that rent double pumps, so my mission for Saturday is to call around to check on price and availability. Then, I'll be going off to get the pump.

Gaetane said that I should be good to rent one for 10 days, and then can move to a good single pump. Looks like the Medela MiniElectric is going to be coming to a Kijiji or Ebay near you for resale!

All in all, it was a good conversation, and she is coming out to visit on Monday at 11am. Since she's a public health nurse, there are other things that she can deal with and help me through, like the anxiety it fills me to get Owen back on the breast (something that she really wants me to try, with the help of breastshields to protect myself and the breastfeeding clinics every Wednesday. I'm not so sure I want to, but it's something that she and I can discuss further on monday) and some of the feelings on inadequacy that surround this breastfeeding issue, as well as the personal stress load that I am carrying from other places.

I know that I can do this, and my body has been showing signs over the past couple of days of being able to, it's just a very long go of it right now. It's rather draining to pump every 3 hours, and keep up with feeding Owen, as well as all of the other responisbilities around the house. I know...laundry can wait...but it grinds my gears to just have it sitting there sometimes.

For now though, my mission is to shop around to compare prices of double breast pump rentals to that of purchasing the $235 one at Cheeky Monkey, and to get, and start taking immediately, the herbal supplements.

I'm like the Little Engine that Could. I just won't give up on this.

I think I can, I think I can.

Happy Canada Day!

From the three of us, to all of you out there...Happy Canada Day!

Have a great day with your families, enjoy your bar-b-que's and fireworks, and snuggle those little ones close as we celebrate this great country of ours!

Being Selfish

This post is going to be all about me. Ya...that's right, me!

I think I deserve a little attention amongst all of this baby madness, but I need a little help.

What am I talking about? My hair, obviously!

I haven't done a single thing to it since the beginning of April, and let me tell you....the grey's are coming in fast and furious (thanks, Dad), the red streak in my bangs (which really...who's kidding...I don't have bangs really anymore) is more like an orangey straw colour, and the length is absolutely ridiculous!


I have an appointment with the amazing April on the 8th to get spruced up.

So...What do you think I should do? I'm definitely open to suggestion!

Here's the before (aka now...after a nap with Owen)



And here are some things that I've done in the past...



A little long, with bangs and my red streak through them



Solid dark dark brown, chin lengthish



Asymmetrical, curly with a little red poking through on the side


Asymmetrical, straight with red poking through on the side (that you can't see in the picture)


I've had it long, super short (in like grade 4-8, hahaha) and somewhere in the middle. I've had red highlights, blonde, caramel, purple, different shades of brown...


I'd like to be able to still pull it back in a pony tail, or loose pig tails, since it's the summer, and also because it is the summer, I wear it straight alot of the time to avoid frizz and ridiculousness.


Oh...and did I mention that we have Owen's newborn pictures on the 8th? So...momma's gotta look good! Curly or straight???

Mr. Crankypants

Wow...yesterday must have been the day of fussy babies. Was there a full moon or some other natural phenomena going on that us mom's weren't aware of?

Owen and I had an excellent day...a low key day, but an excellent one. Started off with a few hours of snuggling in bed, a very late breakfast...but all in all, we were keeping with his feeding schedule and he was getting another day of breast milk.

He was napping at all of the right intervals and it was looking like a fabulous day. I had made my calls to the public health nurse, who I played phone tag with all day but we finally connected at around 5:30pm and she's going to hook me up with a lactation consultant who specializes in pumping moms. Perfect!

I even had time for a well rounded lunch, called our investment guy to figure out my savings account (I've been on maternity leave since April 16th, applied for my benefits on the 29th and am still waiting for a payment from the government!! Another gripe for another day...) and even booked myself a hair appointment for the 8th (the day we get Owen's newborn pictures done with Rosita!).

The day was going great! C came home from work, fed Owen while I pumped (which wasn't getting worse in terms of supply, not better...but definitely not worse!) and got ready for the gym.

Then it happened. Owen turned into Mr. Crankypants. I should have known that by the time C got home from the gym, Owen would need to eat again. I should have remembered to boil water earlier in the day since we're onto a can of powdered formula. I should have known.

Apparently, my mind was elsewhere and I forgot.

Queue pouty, screaming, crying (with tears!! holy break my heart!) and all around miserable baby.

I felt pretty horrible, I'm not going to lie. I was trying to calm him, and it seemed that singing to him was working, right up until the garage door went up and C walked in the door. Fussy, fussy, fussy.

I had him put a pot of water on the stove and he grabbed his keys and ran to the store for premixed formula and diapers (another post for another day...why can't manufacturers agree on a newborn size?!).

After getting Owen fed and changed, it seemed that we could not soothe him. No amount of rocking, singing, bouncing, walking, talking, shhhing, or rubbing his back helped. We took turns trying to get him to calm down, but it seemed that he was so overtired that there was no helping him. He also had the toots...really bad, and we wondered if perhaps he was constipated or had a bought of indigestion.

We gave him some gripe water and popped in a soother. That worked...for a few minutes at least.

I was getting pretty exhausted at this point, probably around the 9:30 mark, and we all settled on the couch to snuggle and watch the Bachelorette. Thank GOD for the PVR.

By 10, Owen was fast asleep on my chest after much resistance and my butt was hurting from the angle I was sitting at. Okay...don't panic...you can move without waking him. C thought I was nuts to even try, but seriously, it was move or not be able to and have to sleep on the couch over night.

Thankfully, I was able to move and once the Bachelorette was over, was even able to pass Owen off to C for his final feeding before bedtime and get the diaper caddy and feeding caddy ready for beside the bed.

Yesterday must have been the day for fussy babies. Two of my online-mommy friends had fussers either overnight Monday, or all day yesterday. I felt so helpless last night trying to get him calmed down and knowing that nothing was going to work...he was just too tired to let it.

That being said, he's been excellent tonight. It's 4:30am, he just fed about a half hour ago and I have time to pump, make my list of questions for the lactation consultant who will be visiting at some point today or tomorrow, and have a few minutes of peace and quiet to myself to do other things like blog and check emails.

I'm starting to like 4am. Everything's quiet.

Supply and Demand

Oh the trials and tribulations of a pumping mom.

The past weekend had been far from easy when it came to feeding time with Owen, and I attribute alot of the frustration to not being smart enough to take my breast pump over to C's parents place on Friday night to get in a pumping session while we were there for birthday-father's day festivities.

Saturday rolled around, and I noticed a large red patch covering about a 1/4 of my right breast. Uh oh, I thought...the beginnings of masitisis. In other words, not good. I spent part of the day in tears, feeling like a complete failure, and part of the day determined to make this work. C was incredibly supportive, did all of the feedings with Owen and let me figure out a pumping schedule that worked for me and my boobs.

I'm not sure how many warm compresses, glasses of water and juice, healthy meals, relaxation techniques and hours were spent pumping on Saturday, but I just felt that something was off. I was still getting a good ounce of breast milk at every pump so things were okay in that respect, and the clogged ducts in the right breast definitely were loosening and feeling alot better.

Then Sunday happened. Sunday...how I hate you so. I wanted to be switched over to exclusively breast milk by the end of the weekend, and was so excited on Saturday to have bought new breast pads, more milk saver bags and a larger storage bin for the freezer for our stock pile.

C was off golfing with Uncle B and Nagypapi, and Owen and I were having a great morning. He was feeding really well off the breast milk and I couldn't be happier. That is, until I went to pump.

Half an ounce. Pardon me? That's it?! From both breasts?? Wait...combined?!

I certainly did not see that one coming. I immediately text C and said "I think I'm drying up." Seriously, if it wasn't bad enough that I can't handle breastfeeding, now I couldn't handle pumping and my breasts were deciding to dry up!? Queue more tears and that resounding feeling of failure all over again.

By the end of the morning, before some fantastic visitors came over, I had resigned myself to one thing: my baby is going to be a formula baby.

However, I was determined to give it a good last-ditch-effort and pumped religiously every 2-4 hours even though I couldn't feel my breasts filling up and getting that heavy-with-milk feeling. I tried drinking more water (I never get enough...), eating more, relaxing more and tried to cry less.

The one natural thing that my body is supposed to be able to do in all of this is produce milk...and it wasn't. I consistently got 1/2 an ounce with every pump, sometimes even less than that, and maybe once a little bit more. I was getting discouraged incredibly fast, and started to wrap my head around formula feedings...the cost of formula...getting more bottles...whether premixed is better than powder...which brand would be the most suitable.

C was fantastic throughout it all. He reassured me that as long as Owen's tummy is full, it doesn't matter where it comes from and that perhaps formula isn't such a bad idea. Then I won't be filled with stress and anxiety when it comes to breastfeeding, and now pumping. I was thinking him right on those aspects, and very much appreciated a good long hug to not feel like a total failure. He even tried to make me laugh through my tears, and commented on the fact that it was our first hug without my belly in the way and that it was exciting to be able to wrap his arms fully around me and even give my butt a little pat for encouragement.

I kept pumping every 2-4 hours, on the off chance that the girls were just having an off day and needed a rest while getting used to this pumping like a madwoman schedule I've been on. By the later hours of the evening, after a nice dinner out without C or Owen (Daddy's suggestion that I go out for some me-time...it was very much worth it!) with a good friend, I had pretty much convinced myself that this wasn't going to happen.

I came home, and C was wanting me to call the doctor first thing Monday morning. Why? What are they going to tell me? If I'm drying up, there's no magical pill that they can give me to increase my supply. He was getting concerned that with the redness and clogged ducts, that perhaps there was a medical reason why my body was sabotaging itself. Allright, fine...

But I wanted to try pumping up until making that call, if nothing else to relieve myself of any future pain when my body did decide to fully dry up.

1. FULL. OUNCE!

I couldn't believe it. All day at barely 15ml, and then I get a whopping 30ml all at once!? YAHOO!!

I talked to C about what options we have and who we should call, and we've decided that I need to talk to a lactation consultant. I'm not sure how they can help, or if they can since I'm pumping, but I figure it's worth a shot as I am determined to make this work! We made a long list of questions including if I should get a different/more effective pump, herbal supplements or vitamins that may help increase the supply, how long it should take to establish said supply, and even what foods may help increase the supply.

I'm really hoping that they'll have some pointers for me, and even if I have to spend another $200 on a new and better pump, it will save in 6+months of formula, extra bottles and nipples...That's what my savings account can be used for I suppose. Thankfully, they make house calls and will travel out to see me rather than me packing up Owen and trudging downtown. It's not far, but it's still an ordeal and right now, I don't need the added stress. As it's 4am now, and likely they won't be up and crazy like I am, I will make a point to call them first thing in the morning once their office is open.

I'm not giving up yet. I won't let this defeat me on something I hold so important.

It seems that it takes my breasts about 4-5 hours to fill, so when I am pumping every 2-3 hours...there's barely anything there yet. If it's going to take so long to fill, then at least let's work on increasing my supply so that I'm getting more than an ounce every 4-5 hours and can bank more milk in the long run over a longer period of time between pumpings. That would be fantastic, and it's definitely the thread of hope that I'm hanging onto with dear life.