Breastfeeding vs. Formula vs. Pumping

I'll give you fair warning here...I will be talking about boobs, two of them in particular that have taken on a life of their own since Sunday. I will also be discussing (nay...bitching) about the inconsistent messages that were given by some of the nurses at the mother-baby-wellness-centre we were recovering in last week. If you're not down with that, turn back now.

Everyone's first question, after getting the details about his height, weight etc. is always Are you breastfeeding?? y answer to this is one that I have been giving hesitantly, and one that I have received alot of....peer pressure I guess you could call it...about.

No. I am pumping and we are supplementing with formula until I have a good stock pile in the freezer that puts us at least a day ahead in terms of number of feedings.

You see, I have a very powerful sucker on my hands and it became incredibly clear while we were at hospital that breastfeeding fills me with alot of anxiety because he's so darn strong.

When he was first born, he latched super well and it didn't hurt to feed him for 15minutes per side. Well...I also had alot of drugs in me from the epidural, and was on an emotional high from ust delivering my son into this world. A few hours later, I noticed that his suck was super strong and wondered how it was all going to shake out.

The second day, we had some good breastfeeding sessions and some bad ones. The bad ones were largely at night, where he would fall asleep on the breast and be difficult to stimulate so it would take about 30+minutes per side to get a feeding done and there was one nurse (we didn't like her very much by the end) who insisted that I feed him once every two hours no matter what, and to do at least 20mins per side. At this point, my nipples were cracked and sore, and the nurses were telling me to tough it out and to only use the Lansinoh cream sparingly.

The second night was torture. Breastfeeding to me quickly came to mean a fussy baby, a stressed out mom and lots of tears. I barely slept at all, and poor C had to sit there and watch me cry and scream (literally...I screamed) when getting him latched.

Our favourite nurse, Sue, was concerned that my milk wasn't coming in. Really?? It'd only been a couple of days, and we're supplementing with formula to make sure his glucose levels are okay...so...what do you expect? These puppies are going to take a little bit of a break before they move from colostrum to liquid gold. She kept reassuring me that it would come in, and if I wanted to pump once I got home to avoid the anxiety and stress that I feel when he's feeding, then that would be a great alternative.

I still wanted to at least try to breastfeed once we were home, and the first session was great. Perhaps it was because I didn't have the bitchy regimented nurse looking over my shoulder, making me feel bad that I wasn't producing enough...yet, I don't know...but whatever it was, our first session was great. We had a few sessions that weren't so good, and a couple more that were allright, and then we were right back to me crying and wincing in pain when he started to suck and really get into a feeding session.

Where's the pump?? I resigned myself to the fact that this little boy who I love so dearly was far too strong for me in this particular, and very sensitive, area and that maybe giving the pump a go would be for the best.

Well...the pump is working out beautifully. The first day it was alot of colostrum, so we fed that directly to Owen instead of banking it, knowing that it is very important to his immune system. The second day went fantastic and it seemed that my milk was coming in slowly and the portion sizes would almost double with every pump.

Right now (even as I type!) I pump once every 2-3 hours, depending on what's going on, where we are and if Owen is feeding at the time. I find it relaxing, have control over the situation, and can then snuggle with Owen when he is hungry, rather than sit and cry that I'm not producing enough and feeling like a total failure.

To those out there who've judged me for this, I have nothing but horrible terrible things to say to you that I will not write here. Simply, you do not know how it feels and therefore could never relate to the pain of scabbed, bleeding nipples and feeling like a chew toy to a precious little boy.

To those mom's out there who may be struggling with this same thing or aren't quiet decided on if they want to breastfeed, I would highly recommend becoming an exclusive pumper like I did. It's so easy! I was doing 20minutes per side without issue a few days ago, and now that my milk is coming in more and more everyday, I am down to 10minutes as per my doctor's instructions.

While we are still supplementing with formula for the time being, C and I share the responsibility of feeding him, which is a huge help for me when I need to pump at 2:30am (aka...nowish) and is a great bonding tool for the boys. We both know that Owen is getting the nutrients that he needs, and is a very happy baby because he doesn't have parents who are stressing about this particular issue.

I am doing everything that I can to help my supply increase, and it seems to be at a steady 2oz. per pumping session at the moment. Owen eats about 2-3oz. per sitting right now, so while my supply is okay, it definitely cold be better and will get better with consistency and a few tricks like warm compresses, hydration and a balanced diet. Oh...and rest!

Which is where I should be headed off to now that I'm done my midnight-pumping session. So I will leave you with this...

A positive bond between mom and baby doesn't have to be established by breastfeeding. It is established when mom is happy and feels an incredible amount of love for her child, regardless of how they get fed. It is established when a baby has a full tummy and is happy when he (or she) looks up at their momma and smiles, giggles, toots and snuggles in for a nap. It is established out of love, not out of a routine or how a mom choose to feed their child.