Well, I dropped the ball already on the weekly mental health check-in. It really wasn't intentional, I swear.
This week's been a rough one. I've had some external stressers, challenges with C, and we have a little boy who seems to be eating more and more, and teething a little bit more everyday. Yes, my 7 week old little boy is teething! Ack!
I said in a previous post that it seems as though the big things no longer set me off...but all of the little things do. C and I were having a conversation the other day about the big vs. little, and how I feel like I'm getting crazier and crazier as I'm having more small outbursts, rather than less big freak-outs.
Does that even make sense? He argued that it's good that I'm able to deal with the bigger issues and be rational about them. I argued that being irrational about the little things makes me feel like a bomb waiting to go off.
I've also been feeling overwhelmed by options and change. Owen is changing so much everyday it's overwhelming. There are clothes that don't fit and need to be packed up for a potential sibling. There is playtime that needs to be established, tummy time to do, and bedtime routines that need to be followed to bring some much needed structure into all of our lives.
We've transitioned to the bassinet, and while the first night (and last night!) went really well...there have been a couple of nights that have just not been good for anyone. Owen seems to do really well after a bottle, snuggle and story, then into the bassinet. He sleeps for 5-6 hours at a time, but then after his overnight feed...seems to be up every 10-40minutes for his soother/SleepSheep/rock/snuggle/gentle voice...anything. It definitely has worn on us both, and has put me on edge for the latter part of the week.
And then there's the teething...oh the teething! He goobers and sucks on everything! Over the weekend, it was my knuckle. Now, he's moved to his hands, soother, C or my hands, and even his playmat pillow that we use for tummy time!
It definitely makes for a slightly crankier version of the little boy that we love, but hopefully...we'll get through it!
So you see, all of these silly little things put me on edge. Add in the hormonal imbalance, and not sleeping because of the bassinet transition...and my mental state leaves something to be desired. I've been struggling for support in various areas, and have had a few tough conversations with friends and family about what they can to do help (or hurt) the situation, which is rather delicate right now.
Today, after a good nights sleep (I don't even remember C feeding Owen at 3am, or getting him back to bed. I remember 6am snuggles...but that's about it!), I'm feeling motivated and positive. I've already cleaned out the garage, loaded up the Jeep with beer and wine empties that we've accumulated over the past...5ish months, and after lunch will be trimming up the Hydrangeas, moving the spinkler and tackling whatever other bushes outside need to be tended to, while C tackles the inside and Owen (hopefully) naps.
It's shaping up to be a good day, and man am I in need of one!
4 comments:
I remember when Autumn was a baby I felt so overwhelmed. By the end of the second month, I could barely get my head off of the pillow to feed Autumn let alone myself. Someone suggested I read the book "Secrets of the baby whisperer" by Tracy Hogg to help me through the rough spots. The book essentially rationalizes motherhood and helps us to try and understand our feelings and the baby. It helped me put things into perspective and guided me into setting a "routine" that was right for us. Hopefully, I'm not sounding pushy in suggesting it but it really did help me. I still have my copy if you ever want to borrow it. Hope your days continue to get better;)
I really appreciate that Tracy, and would love to borrow it!
Lately, Im struggling with finding myself...I mean...I feel that all I am is "Owen's Mom" - not that that is a bad thing, but I'm sure you know what I mean. I feel like I don't exist, which in turn makes me feel alone!
Today was super positive and really great, so I'm hopeful that the good days continue
What also has helped me is having a girls night with the gals-no kids to think about and just a chance to totally let loose and be ourselves. It really refreshes me!
yea. the girls and I are planning an overnight spa date! I'm so excited! We ddefinitely have things on the horizon that are spurring me forward, but now that he's teething...my nerves are shot all over again.
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