I really need a name for myself when PPD is rearing its ugly head. Two Sunday's in a row now, I've had pretty massive breakdowns, and I figured maybe it was time to check in with you all about mental health.
It's been 4 months, actually...4months today...since I had Owen. That seems like yesterday, and such a long time ago all rolled into one. If you had asked me back then if I would be a basketcase half of the time, I would have laughed at you and said not a chance, being a mom is all I've ever wanted to do (aside from being a biological oceanographer when I was about 12). Now though, I'm a hot mess.
What set me off this weekend? Hell if I know. I think I'm taking on too much, which really sucks because I'm taking on things that I really enjoy.
Grandma Dale is staying with us for a few days after her surgery on Friday (which went really well and she's recovering beautifully)...but I don't find that overwhelming in the slightest. It's really nice to see her bonding with Owen, telling him stories and getting a good chance to snuggle with him.
The moms group that I created for my area is going well as well. It's not super busy yet, but we're having a meet&greet "re-do" next week and then heading off to story time at one of the Chapters locations in the city. Fun, right? It will be...so long as people show up this time. I think it's been planned at a better time, but I'm slightly overwhelmed that either the food won't turn out, or the cupcake idea that I have in mind will fall flat on its face.
As always, money is an issue. American moms - I really REALLY don't know how to do it with only a few weeks maternity leave, and not paid in some cases! I'm getting 55% of my previous wages, and it is so hard. There's never enough time...money...patience...and kids are expensive! Owen's in 9mo clothes, and some 12mo clothes, right now and steadily growing out of everything. We've got tonnes of interactive and educational toys and whatnot for him, and lots of fantastic handmedowns from my cousin, S (thank God for you!), but the cost of formula is enough to make me vomit a little.
The gym is going well, but my weigh ins haven't been. I have a feeling that I'm building muscle faster than my trainer expected (I mean, my legs are so much leaner, but so much stronger!!). The number on the scale isn't where he wants it to be, which makes me feel like a bag of crap quite frankly. The measurements are down some weeks, up on others...which I don't understand for the life of me, so I've asked that we measure my body fat at some point to figure things out. I need to do more cardio as well...but finding the time is hard. C needs his time for exercise as well, which right now is as much golf as we both can handle, and I think we figured out a system of trading off that will work. We'll see.
Owen is a delight, and really only fusses when we don't have a bottle prepared quickly enough, or if it's getting close to nap time and he's fighting it. He gets squirmy when he's being changed, because he thinks it's playtime...which drives me a little bonkers and I sometimes have to step away. Other than that though...he's a very easy baby, and we've been so blessed to not have had any medical issues with him. I have a lot of friends right now in our prayers who've had difficult delivers, and some with kiddo's under 6mo who are struggling with unexplained medical ailments...enough to break your heart.
The bakery is pretty quiet right now, though there are big plans for it next year. What those plans are, I'm not overly sure yet, but I know that they will be spectacular. I've started thinking about post-maternity leave and what I want to do...and trying to wrap my head around that is a big task. Confectionery classes are being considered, as are business ideas, but nothing is concrete right now and that makes me feel a little uneasy.
I guess you could say, I'm feeling overwhelmed. Couple that feeling with an irrational thought process, and it's a recipe for disaster. I know that I need to take more time for myself....but everything revolves around Owen...as it should (in my opinion). I know I probably need C to work from home one afternoon or morning a week to give me a little break, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. I know that I need to take on less, but it's hard when it's all things that I enjoy (for the most part).
How are you new moms coping with the overwhelming feelings of being a first timer and trying to balance the life you had before with this uncharted territory?? How do you make room for...you? For me, when there is no balance...I snap and become a person I really would rather not be.
The Ugly.
5 comments:
I know exactly how you feel, but I hope you feel better soon! It's so easy to get overwhelmed and I also turn into someone I woul dmuch rather not! Try and take some time for yourself, even if its a nice bubble bath! Showers and baths are the only "me" time and I take full advanatage. I have been told things get easier, so I hope the same for you!
Thank you so much for relating!!! It's nice to feel not totally alone in this, which Im sure you appreciate as well.
Today's sorta crazy - cats are sick all over the place, then Owen needed to be changed and fed, and oh ya I need to eat in there at some point so my trainer isn't angry with me when I give him my food diary tonight...ugh!
I think I shall be requesting a date night this week...one where Owen isn't sitting at the table with us!
I have been exactly where you are and know how it feels to be overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted. First, your trainer works for you. He shouldn't be making you feel badly about yourself. If he's causing you stress, it's time to change trainers. Period. Don't worry about hurting his feelings. Give him a chance to change if you want to be saying something like "I have to tell you that your method is now working for me right now. I need positive reinforcement and encouragement, not negativity". If he can't change, move on.
Second, stop baking so freakin' much! Seriously girl! I bake a lot (2-3 batches of muffins or loaves a week plus crisps & pies) but you go all out. For your mom's group the perfect food would be a fruit tray & healthy muffins. Save the fabulous cupcakes for a Christmas get-together or something 'bigger'. It's about the socialization, not the food.
I've told you this before but you need to find your own way ... you're taking on too much. Even if it's things you love, you need to start saying no to things or at least doing less for them. Owen is ONLY 4 months old! Go easy on yourself! You will find a balance but not if you just keep ploughing through and taking on more things. Also, don't stress about what will happen a year from now. You'll figure it out when you need to. It should be something fun to think about at this point, not stressful.
Money is tough. It's a challenge for everyone. If you don't already have a family budget then I highly recommend one. I know exactly how much money I have to spend on clothes, toys, gifts, food, etc. every month and it takes a lot of the stress out of it and allows me to make important choices (I couldn't buy the fabulous boots I saw in Sept. b/c I used all the clothing money on the kids but now that it's Oct. it's my turn).
Being a good wife is hard. Being a good mom is hard and being a new mom is even harder b/c it's a steep learning curve with some hormones thrown in. Be patient with yourself and those around you. You will find your way and figure out your 'new normal' but until then just try to live in the moment, understand that this is how you're meant to feel right now, and know that this too shall pass.
{{{hugs}}}
I've been there and remember all too well how hard it was the first time around. I'm a real go-getter and to have to sit all day with an infant who did nothing but eat, poop and sleep made me resent being a mom. When Richard came home several days in a row to me crying it out, we knew something had to be done. This is what we did and with a little time it worked for us. I slept in every morning and Richard got up with Autumn. I was on duty all day while Richard was at work and when he got home. I got some me time. Whether it be scrapbooking, taking a walk with the dog or just taking a warm bubble bath. It also gave Richard time to bond with the baby.
I totally agree with Kerr family, a budget makes it a whole lot easier. Once we put down on paper our monthly expenses and saw what we had left over it was easier to tighten in the reigns and find ways to cut some of the frills out.
As for your new mom and baby group, why don't you suggest taking turns hosting it. When I went to my just beginnings classes, I met a great group of moms. After the eight week session we continued to get together every week and that made being a first time mom a lot easier. You got to see that other moms had the same problems and you didn't feel so alone in it all. It might take a little of the pressure off on you and you might relax a little more and be able to enjoy it. I also found that it helped to go to some of the other playgroups run by the OEYC.
Just remember to take everything one step at a time. This time in Owen's life will go by way too fast so take the time to enjoy it. I know this sounds like a cliche but "Don't sweat the small stuff". Take care of yourself and your relationship and the rest will just fall into place.
If you ever need someone to look after Owen for a few hours, the door is always open;)
Thanks Tracy, and S. You both raise some good points.
Part of my issue is that the depression is ALOT worse if I stay home and do nothing but "mom" all day. C's great with coming in, snuggling and playing with Owen, and knows that the evenings are really the only break I get. I still feel "on duty" but at least if he cries or whines or whatever, there's another person who can take care of him.
The moms group is a good thing, and Im pretty pumped about it, even if only a few people come. I do have to relax about it though...and keep it simple. When things are left simple, they're good.
As for my baking, ya'll are nuts if you (the collective "you") think I'll ever give it up. Being creative and doing cakes is another form of art for me, so it's really important to me that I continue with it. Yes, it's time consuming, but I get such a sense of achievement afterward...I wouldn't and can't give it up.
I definitely need to find some "me" outlets - and once I get my massive CTmH order...it will be scrapbooking and creating an album for Owen to look back on (and make fun of, let's be serious here lol). The gym is another outlet, but doesn't always have the desired effect.
*sigh* I know I'll find my way, but sometimes it feels better to write it all out and breathe.
Post a Comment