Officially Cleared

This is a post that I've been meaning to write for a little while now, but wanted to wait until it was official.

Wednesday of last week marked a very awesome day in my book of mommyhood. I had my last meeting with Sue and Gaetane, my health nurses that have been coming to see Owen and I since he was 3 weeks old.

We went over routine things like how did I enjoy the program, what did I like and not like, and most importantly, how did I feel a year later.

Admittedly, I was emotional. Not in the I-can't-do-this-without-you way, but in a I'm-going-to-miss-you! way. In anticipation of the appointment, I started thinking about where I was a year ago.

Thrown blackberries, soothers and remotes. Fits of screaming and anger.

Pumping a measly 1.5oz every 2-3 hours. Blogging in the middle of the night.

Not sleeping for hours on end. Nap training during the dead of winter and feeling trapped.

Now, where am I?

It felt so good to tell them that I'm actually happy. I feel like a mom; seeing Owen smile at me, reach for me, toddle over and sit on my lap while we watch Shrek together, snuggle into me when he's scared or hurt...it all makes me feel like a mom, and I finally like that feeling.

Finally, I feel like I can breathe, like I really do know what is best for Owen, like I am the light in his world and his Mama and Daddy are the most important people in his life.

So, that's what I told them.

Their response? They were so incredibly proud. Like...over the moon proud of this Mama for getting through Post Partum Depression.

In terms of Owen's naps, they said that they want to bottle me up as an example for the other mom's that they see.

When it comes to baby food making and toddler feeding, they love my enthusiasm for making everything fresh and wholesome for Owen.

When it comes to mama-kiddo relationship and bond, they see the light in his eyes when he sees me and giggle when he half-walk-half-crawls over and into my lap for a kiss.

I can say this with 100% certainty now...I'm officially cleared of PPD, and it feels pretty awesome.