Halloween is supposed to be full of ghosts and goblins...little kids dressed up as princesses and dragons, going door to door, asking for candy and just being cute.
It's supposed to be a time where Dads take their kids out, pull the wagon to unload said goodies and pillowcases in, while the Moms revel over the cuteness of the little ones at the door.
Not for me.
For me, it is far from that. Ghosts and goblins, absolutely...but of a different kind.
For me, it's a time for remembrance, to reflect, and to cry.
Very simply, Halloween makes me cry.
6 years ago while C and I were out with GodMomma and her bf at the time, at a Halloween costume ball, I found out from two police officers that my Dad had had a heart attack, and had died.
He died.
Like a scene in a movie, I let out a scream and crumbled against the wall. My Dad was my world, and my world had just fallen apart.
Halloween breaks my heart, and I hate it.
People continuously tell me to buck up and try to have fun around this time of year, but it seems nearly impossible. I dread the day when Owen actually wants to go out and get a costume, or worse yet, have me make one for him.
The last ones I made were the ones we wore that horrible night, and they were promptly thrown in the garbage.
I don't think I will ever look at Halloween the same. Alot of people out there try to reassure me that I will love it once Owen gets older and dresses up and the whole thing, but I know in my heart that I will always hate it no matter what brave face I try to put on or new tradition I try to come up with to try and make it happy.
I miss you, Dad.
2 comments:
I'm so sorry Shan :( I think you need to feel everything and don't worry about trying to enjoy it. You will get there :) Lots of hugs at this time for you!
thanks sweets :)
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