The Ugly

I really need a name for myself when PPD is rearing its ugly head. Two Sunday's in a row now, I've had pretty massive breakdowns, and I figured maybe it was time to check in with you all about mental health.

It's been 4 months, actually...4months today...since I had Owen. That seems like yesterday, and such a long time ago all rolled into one. If you had asked me back then if I would be a basketcase half of the time, I would have laughed at you and said not a chance, being a mom is all I've ever wanted to do (aside from being a biological oceanographer when I was about 12). Now though, I'm a hot mess.

What set me off this weekend? Hell if I know. I think I'm taking on too much, which really sucks because I'm taking on things that I really enjoy.

Grandma Dale is staying with us for a few days after her surgery on Friday (which went really well and she's recovering beautifully)...but I don't find that overwhelming in the slightest. It's really nice to see her bonding with Owen, telling him stories and getting a good chance to snuggle with him.

The moms group that I created for my area is going well as well. It's not super busy yet, but we're having a meet&greet "re-do" next week and then heading off to story time at one of the Chapters locations in the city. Fun, right? It will be...so long as people show up this time. I think it's been planned at a better time, but I'm slightly overwhelmed that either the food won't turn out, or the cupcake idea that I have in mind will fall flat on its face.

As always, money is an issue. American moms - I really REALLY don't know how to do it with only a few weeks maternity leave, and not paid in some cases! I'm getting 55% of my previous wages, and it is so hard. There's never enough time...money...patience...and kids are expensive! Owen's in 9mo clothes, and some 12mo clothes, right now and steadily growing out of everything. We've got tonnes of interactive and educational toys and whatnot for him, and lots of fantastic handmedowns from my cousin, S (thank God for you!), but the cost of formula is enough to make me vomit a little.

The gym is going well, but my weigh ins haven't been. I have a feeling that I'm building muscle faster than my trainer expected (I mean, my legs are so much leaner, but so much stronger!!). The number on the scale isn't where he wants it to be, which makes me feel like a bag of crap quite frankly. The measurements are down some weeks, up on others...which I don't understand for the life of me, so I've asked that we measure my body fat at some point to figure things out. I need to do more cardio as well...but finding the time is hard. C needs his time for exercise as well, which right now is as much golf as we both can handle, and I think we figured out a system of trading off that will work. We'll see.

Owen is a delight, and really only fusses when we don't have a bottle prepared quickly enough, or if it's getting close to nap time and he's fighting it. He gets squirmy when he's being changed, because he thinks it's playtime...which drives me a little bonkers and I sometimes have to step away. Other than that though...he's a very easy baby, and we've been so blessed to not have had any medical issues with him. I have a lot of friends right now in our prayers who've had difficult delivers, and some with kiddo's under 6mo who are struggling with unexplained medical ailments...enough to break your heart.

The bakery is pretty quiet right now, though there are big plans for it next year. What those plans are, I'm not overly sure yet, but I know that they will be spectacular. I've started thinking about post-maternity leave and what I want to do...and trying to wrap my head around that is a big task. Confectionery classes are being considered, as are business ideas, but nothing is concrete right now and that makes me feel a little uneasy.

I guess you could say, I'm feeling overwhelmed. Couple that feeling with an irrational thought process, and it's a recipe for disaster. I know that I need to take more time for myself....but everything revolves around Owen...as it should (in my opinion). I know I probably need C to work from home one afternoon or morning a week to give me a little break, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. I know that I need to take on less, but it's hard when it's all things that I enjoy (for the most part).

How are you new moms coping with the overwhelming feelings of being a first timer and trying to balance the life you had before with this uncharted territory?? How do you make room for...you? For me, when there is no balance...I snap and become a person I really would rather not be.

The Ugly.

New Songs!

It's come my attention recently that our little blog plays in the background for many a mom....so I thought I'd switch up the music a little to keep it fresh for you!

We hope you like it...more of Owen's favourites, including most of the Happy Feet soundtrack and a little Professor Von Drake from the mickey mouse Clubhouse!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Y3W

Grandma Dale has surgery today, so we are praying that it goes well and sending her all ther luck in the world!!

We'll see you in recovery!!

Talkin'

Hello, everybody!!

Exactly One Year Ago...

...this blog started! October 5th, 2009 we found out that we were going to embark on the absolute most amazing journey that we would ever be on together.

So crazy how this...

October 4th, 2009 - apparently I needed 3 to believe it was real!

Turns into this...

june 14th, 2010...two days before the greatest thing in the world entered our lives

Turns into this...

October 5th, 2010 - watching momma make silly faces and trying to crawl

October 5th, 2010...gorgeous little boy

Thank you for following us over the past year. It hasn't been without its challenges...be they losing a tonne of weight during pregnancy from morning sickness or breastfeeding issues...all the way to postpartum depression (which we're still fighting on a daily basis but there are far more good days than bad).

We wouldn't be here without you!

A Terrible, Horrible, No-Good Night

After two, count 'em...T-W-O...nights of 10+hours of glorious sleep, Owen was having none of it last night.

He went to bed at around 10ish like always, woke up at 2am....took a soother

Woke up at 3am...took a 4oz. bottle

Woke up at 5/6am (I was a little more than a little groggy at this point)...and was screaming a scream that we had never heard before. He sounded absolutely terrified, and in pain, and it scared both C and I to hear over the monitor. We both rushed into his room, C went and made a 3oz. bottle (which Owen drank like a champ) and it dawned on me.

Teething

We gave him 100ml of Tempra, and he calmed down almost immediately. I put him down with his Rockabye Baby Beatles CD playing, went back to bed and C hopped into the shower to get ready for the day, staying a little longer than usual so I could give him a lift to work and sleep a little longer.

When Owen woke up, he was all smiles. I figured, what the heck...check his mouth and see what little bumps might be rising to the surface.

Wow! Not only is there a distinct bump, but it's white...it's hard, and it's sharp because it's cutting through! That's right, everyone...our kiddo is getting his first tooth...down at the bottom on the left side.

Not a complaint from him all day until late this evening, and he actually giggled every time I would put a finger to his lips to inspect the cause of his screaming.

Not even 4 months old and he has a tooth poking through. What's next, university graduation!?

A Lesson in Carseats

Well...we did it, we purchased Owen's big boy carseat today. Half of my heart broke, and the other half was giddy with excitement seeing him sitting in the carseat at Babies R' Us.

We (aka I) spent alot of time doing research for this purchase. I'm sure you recall the blog post with a few options that I was himming and hawing over...

Yeah...we didn't go with any of them.

Yesterday, I was at BRU and had help from my favourite sales lady. She's this little old Ukrainian lady who I absolutely adore, and she helped me with our crib, stroller and carseat selections while I was pregnant, so she was really excited to see Owen yesterday. She had some words of advice that I hadn't really considered before.

I told her that we have a smallish car (Hyundai Elantra) that is cramped as it is with our current carseat. When I asked about which ones would be good for a small car, she immediately suggested The First Years truefit, which I'd been considering before. She asked how old Owen is (3.5 months!) and how much he weighs (pushing 18ish lbs.), then had this to say.

The First Years infant-child carseat for compact cars is good only until 22lbs because then the headrest must go on, therefore making it the same size as all of the other car seats. What we need to look at is recline.

I had two in contention - the Evenflo Triumph LX 65 and the Eddie Bauer 3in1 Convertible. The Evenflo was a great design, however the Eddie Bauer will go right up until he's 100lbs. and not needing a booster seat anymore. AHHH! The Options.

We went back today, and I was really impressed that we were encouraged to take the seats off the shelf and actually put Owen in them, see how he fits and if we like how he's sitting in them. We put them next to one another, reclined them both all the way and realized that we had a winner almost immediately.

Here's the newest addition to our ever growing collection of baby stuff...

Our favourite parts are the tension system knobs, that its side impact tested, rear facing to 35lbs, and (best of all) the infinity strap system - no more need for unthreading and rethreading as he gets taller and taller! The straps grow with him, and that's definitely a bonus for our growing boy!

For any of you with smallish cars like us (like the ever fantastic Shizz), before settling on the next phase carseat, go to the store. Check out the recline positions and compare to the infant seat that you have now. Recline it all the way, and compare the seats all in a row to see which one has the most room for your growing kiddo, and the best recline to fit in your car!

Happy shopping!